Saturday, 8 July 2017

9 Weeks Pregnant

Well it's been an eventful week at Chez Click.

Just to give you an idea of just how eventful it's been I'll begin by saying I'm writing this post from my bed in hospital in Paisley.

But first let's rewind a little way back to Monday when I discovered I could not stop throwing up. I've had pretty bad morning sickness but this had started on Sunday and I was no longer keeping anything down.

Cue a trip to the doctor where I was prescribed Stemetil which, once I doubled my dose, helped improve things enough for me to get to my scan on Wednesday.

There was that heart stopping moment when the nurse had the scanner in me (it was at the ACS Unit so it was an internal scan, of course) and she said something about the heartbeat. For a moment I wasn't sure if she was seeing one or not but then she turned the screen and there was a little heart-shaped thing flickering away and accompanied by this brilliant whoosh whoosh whoosh noise.

We got to see Bo wiggling away quite clearly though he'd flipped round by the time she came to take a photo so he's looking decidedly blob-shaped here. But that is a baby, honest.


We could also see evidence of the second sac/bleed which is still there but smaller now.

On the whole it was a very successful day.

Sadly the following day, Thursday, was less successful.

I managed some toast for breakfast and then began throwing up about three hours later. And couldn't stop.

I came home from work early, sobbed and vomited my way through the evening and agreed with Mr Click that I needed to go back to the doctor the following morning.

The doctor prescribed Cyclizine and asked for a urine sample, which I couldn't provide until much later in the day, and recommended drinking lots of flat sugary drinks.

Eventually I was able to pee and hand in my sample and expected that to be it for the day.

But it wasn't.

A couple of hours later Mr Click got a call asking to bring me and an overnight bag to the hospital. I was woken from my nap and was rushed in to see the midwives who set about arranging for me to come to Paisley.

Which meant rushing to catch the 4pm boat, being bundled into a waiting car and hurried up to the Maternity Unit.

Where there were rushed off their feet but were really fantastic. I had a long wait but after two hours things moved very quickly and within the next hour and a half I was admitted, hooked up to a drip and began the first of so many bags of fluid I lost count of them all.

And then I got moved up to the ward I'm on now.

For those who know about these things, my ketones were +4 when I was on the island and admitted to hospital. I think that means my body was basically breaking itself down for fuel.

After being permanently attached to a drip all night I was down to +3 and after lunch I was +1.

Now, at almost bedtime, I'm all clear. At last. So I'm set for a discharge tomorrow morning. I can't wait.

And did you notice the meals? That's right, I've been eating again. Proper food as well!

Here's hoping the rest of 9 Weeks Pregnant is a little less eventful though.

Saturday, 1 July 2017

8 Weeks Pregnant

Don't worry, I'm still here. The first trimester is just well and truly kicking my butt. I'm pretty much getting up every morning and counting down the time when I can get back into bed (6.30pm every evening). I also have morning, noon and night sickness and despite being the world's biggest baby about throwing up, I'm kind of loving it in a weird way. Oh, and don't suggest ginger for goodness sake, it's everyone's answer to morning sickness and it does nothing for me except burning like hell on the way back up!

First I'll catch you up with what's been going on here because although Seven Weeks was relatively calm, Six Weeks proved to be a little dramatic.

You'll remember that I started Week Six with a spot of bleeding. Well it was all good until the Monday when I tried to return to work. Getting out the car I felt a little 'wetness' so I moseyed on to the loo to discover bright red blood and not just a little of it.

I was 6 weeks 2 days, a full week on from the massive bleed which prompted the end of my pregnancy with Olaf and Elsa. I felt panicked and yet strangely calm because somehow this felt different to what I'd felt that time. I called Mr Click while I was on the loo, told him to come back for me, wandered through to tell my Team Leader I had to go and then headed over to the midwives at the hospital. It all felt a little like deja vu but just with less crying this time.

The midwife we saw, K, was lovely. She was so calm and reassuring, even though at first blush it WAS a lot of blood. She got us booked in for a scan at the Early Pregnancy Unit the following day (the earliest they could take us as scans are only scheduled for the morning) and even called me later in the day to see how I was getting on.

Luckily the bleeding tapered off over the course of the day and by the following morning I was just getting the tiniest bit of spotting. We headed off to the mainland for the scan not really knowing what to expect.

What nobody likes to tell you is that bleeding in early pregnancy is incredibly common, particularly in IVF pregnancies because of the effects of the medication you're taking. Doesn't make it any less scary when it happens to you.

We knew there was a whole spectrum of things that could be happening from a miscarriage right through to a bleed which just happens without any real reason. We knew we should see a baby on a scan at 6 weeks 3 days but it could be too early to see a heartbeat in which case it might be a little inconclusive. It was nerve-wracking to say the least.

Surprisingly it was an abdominal ultrasound rather than an internal one. And the moment she put the scanner on my belly I could see the gestational sac. Even better, before she zoomed in I could see there was something in it. Being the obsessive IVF patient that I am, I've been googling these things.

But the far better moment came just seconds later when she zoomed in on the contents of the sac and there was the perfect flicker of a little heartbeat just merrily doing its thing. I called it before she did!

That's our Bo. He's nestled over towards the right hand side of my uterus.

And the bleeding? Well that appears to have been coming from a second gestational sac so it looks like Luke tried to get going but couldn't for whatever reason. Whereas Bo's sac was nice and round with a nice dark background, Luke's was an odd shape with white bits in it. This was labelled detritus and could have been blood in the sac.

I noticed she did take a measurement of a little long narrow bit in that sac which might have been an embryo at some point. It was slightly smaller than Bo and it didn't have a flicker of a heartbeat.

Strangely I don't feel too sad about the prospect of a vanishing twin. I'm actually glad to know that our second embryo implanted and I'm glad we know what happened to him. It also justifies that little niggle of unease that I had about putting back two embryos. What if we'd only transferred the one and that was the one we put back? Instead of seeing a heartbeat on the scan it would have just been that sad looking sac. The fact that one took and the other didn't makes me think that chromosomally something wasn't quite right and I can cope with that. I'll miss my little Luke but I know he tried.

And it told us where the bleed was most likely coming from and also that we might expect another one (thankfully not so far) as the blood would either come out or be reabsorbed. All in all, as scans go, it was pretty perfect.

And as if to prove it was all okay, Bo kicked up the morning sickness that week. We progressed from nausea to full on vomiting. Usually I spend an hour in the bathroom from about 5.30pm onwards. Sometimes he starts it around 4pm to keep me on my toes. I'm becoming very well acquainted with the bottom of the loos at work!

This week Bo will start to look decidedly baby-like.

We've got a scan scheduled this week so I'm hoping to see that little heart still doing its thing as well as some little arm and leg buds and maybe even some movement. 

Speaking of arms and legs, the Ovia pregnancy app I get these pictures from has this section which shows you your baby's hand and foot size relative to what it's likely to be when they're born. Of course the hands and feet don't actually develop until around Week Eight so I've been waiting rather impatiently to see what this feature looks like.

I have not been disappointed, look at this tiny hand:


And this little dot is the actual size of a foot this week.


I actually beg to differ on this one. I have massive feet for my height, clearly I'm part Hobbit, so I suspect any child of mine will have feet twice as big as the average so as not to let the side down.

What with the tiredness and the sickness and my incredibly limited diet at the moment (oh, and the insomnia, hence the writing of this blog post at 1am, about the only time of day I can keep my eyes open), I'm definitely feeling pregnant right now. And I'm hoping to stay that way for a good while yet.

So keep everything crossed for a nice strong heartbeat this week.

Saturday, 17 June 2017

6 Weeks Pregnant

Today I'm officially six weeks pregnant and according to my app the baby (or babies) will be looking something like this soon, if not already:


This is from the Ovia Pregnancy app and apparently I'm having a character from The Simpsons as all the growing baby images are yellow.

The app tells me that this week a tiny little heart should be beating in my offspring's chest. The baby itself will be about the size of a ladybird and the heart smaller than a poppy seed. My mind is seriously blown at both how tiny this is and also how much it has grown in just three weeks.

This week's been a bit of a mixed bag. We started it with the confirmation that I was definitely pregnant thanks to the hospital blood test, we also made it through the equivalent days when everything went pear-shaped with Olaf and Elsa, and then finished up our last day of Week 5 with a bleed.

It was small but scary and entirely not what I wanted to be seeing following the week when I'd bled and ultimately miscarried. I immediately took the day off work, put myself to bed and have remained there ever since. It seems to have done the trick.

As if to reassure me that all hope is not lost, this evening saw me with my head down the loo, retching up a storm, while I alternately laughed and cried. I've been feeling nausea for about two weeks now but this is the closest I've come to throwing up.

I'm sure I won't be saying this in a few weeks time, but for now, I hope it continues for a while.

I've also got some major good aversions. As in everything except chips. I have a theory that since we went to McDonald's immediately after transfer, the embryo(s) believe chips are the only real food. Mr Click served up chocolate spread on toast for breakfast and my immediate response was to hurl though once I started eating it passed.

Happily I can stand small quantities of dark chocolate but most sweet things are a definite no right now.

Except for sour gummy worms... or tangfastics... I could really go for some of them right now.

Thursday, 15 June 2017

Taking the Test

The 'Two Week Wait' is a torturous time between your embryo transfer and the date you've been given to test on. Different clinics ask people to test on different days, some ask people not to test at all and instead have them go to the hospital for a blood test.

Even between my four transfers I've been given a range of different days to test on, from nine or ten days post transfer right the way up to 12 or 14 days after. Of course this time was the longest I've had to wait.

When an embryo implants it takes a little while for the hCG to build up in your system to be at a high enough level to be detected by a pregnancy test. This starts to be produced around day five or six after transfer but isn't really measurable until day nine, which is the first day you could expect to get a result on a pregnancy test.

With this in mind I carefully calculated that June 3rd would be the earliest I could possibly get a positive test. I'd planned to test early mainly because my official test day was a Thursday and I didn't like the idea of getting the result and then having to go to work straight afterwards, particularly if it wasn't a good result.

The Saturday seemed like the best day to do it, since we would have the whole weekend to come to terms with the result. It was also early enough not to completely ruin my hopes if it was a negative, it might have just been a little too early for it to show up, but by the same token it would help to cushion the devastating blow the following Thursday.

Mr Click and I discussed it. At first he wasn't keen on me testing early, but then he came around to my way of thinking and agreed that testing on Saturday seemed like a good idea.

On the Thursday before I was all for testing but then the following day I felt completely zen about the whole thing. I wonder if this was a little like the overwhelming feeling of 'I'm pregnant' that I got with Olaf and Elsa at about the same point. I sort of felt like I didn't need to test, I could wait until the following Thursday, it was all good.

But then I woke up at 3am on Saturday. Now, if you're not familiar with pregnancy tests, you need to hold your pee for a while before you take the test. They recommend about four or five years to allow the hCG to build up. I worked out that if I was going to take the test, it would have to be then, there'd be no way I could hold on until 7/8am later that morning.

So I dragged myself out of bed. Peed in a little container for the purpose, dipped the test, turned it over and waited three minutes.

And this is what I saw:


That was taken virtually as soon as I'd turned it over and it was a total squinter. The camera wouldn't even focus on it properly unless I stuck my ring on the thing to give it something to focus on.

But it was all I needed to give me a little hope, so I kept watching and after about five minutes it looked like this:


Bear in mind that these photos were taken in awful lighting in the bathroom at some unholy time of the morning. In daylight you could see the line without even squinting:


I think that was when I truly believed that we might just have done it.

Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Currently...

Suffering...
... with a suspected UTI.

I think it started on Monday when we took our trip to the hospital to pick up a fresh supply of my meds. I was aware of the fact that I didn't want to be needing to pee all the way into Glasgow so I drank less than usual which seems to have had an adverse effect on me.

The problem is a sore lower back, needing to pee all the time, and feeling generally run down pretty much describes all my pregnancy symptoms so I sort of hesitated on whether or not it was worth going to the doctor. Yesterday I thought it was nothing to worry about, but this morning I asked Mr Click to make the call and he decided a trip to the doctor was worthwhile.

I'm glad he did.

To paint a wee picture (no pun intended), I filled up a sample bottle. Within ten minutes I needed to nip to the loo again. As well as ten minutes after that. About ten minutes after that we left to go to my appointment (five minutes up the road), by which point I abandoned the spousal unit to check me in so I could nip to the loo again. And then another ten minutes later (right when I was due to go in to see the doctor) I had to nip in again.

I've got a short dose of amoxicillin and we're waiting until Monday for my results to come back in case I need to take something stronger. I have a funny feeling this won't be the last time I'm getting a UTI during this pregnancy.

Reading...
... After the Crash by Michel Bussi.


It's this month's book club book and I'm finding it to be one of those 'one more chapter books'. It's told in both the 'present day' (late nineties) and through a journal which one of the characters is reading. This means that inevitably a chapter ends and you have to wait until halfway through the next one or the one after it to pick up the strand of the story you've been reading so you just have to keep going.

I managed to read about one hundred pages straight off at the weekend though I've slowed down a little since then.

I'm also reading a Mother & Baby magazine, because why not? Mr Click picked it up for me today (I think to cheer me up after the UTI and antibiotic stuff). Our baby doesn't even have feet yet, but I'm going to be hot on tips to help them learn to walk when they get here.

What's keeping you occupied this week?

Tuesday, 13 June 2017

Books 52 & 53 of 2016: Betty's Bright Idea; Deacon Pitkin's Farm; and the First Christmas by Harriet Beecher Stowe & A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

Yes, I'm still reviewing Christmas books. Look at it this way, you can use this to give you an idea of books to look out for in the run up to December this year.

First of today's books is a collection of stories by Harriet Beecher Stowe; Betty's Bright Idea; Deacon Pitkin's Farm; and the First Christmas.


This is a trio of stories, all with a Christmas theme and to be honest, they're kind of depressing. The first has babies dying at Christmas to give people a sense of pity for suffering. The second has a guy giving up on his dreams of an education. And the third was about the Pilgrims and had people dying as well!

These stories are obviously intended to be religious and moral stories for the season though one of the biggest things I was aware of as I was reading them was how much has changed since this book was written.

It's a very short book, only about one hundred pages. All the same, it took me quite a while to get through. It was a nice glimpse into the past, but it's one that I'm unlikely to read again.

I followed this up with A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens because it was the second week of December and it needed to be done. This time I read it in ebook format.


I've reviewed this one so many times that I'll keep this fairly short. And I'm pretty confident that you know the gist of A Christmas Carol. If you don't, head over to Project Gutenberg and read it, then come back and read this review.

As always, I enjoyed my reread of this book. It took me a little longer than usual to read, though I've noticed in later years I've been slower to read it than in the past. For a while I used to be able to sail through it on Christmas Eve, but now I try and read it earlier in the month so it's done before Christmas Day.

I picked out all of my favourite quotes as I read. Some of them are favourites purely because of the various adaptations that we've seen and own, but lots of them are because of the way that Dickens writes. And some are a combination of both the writing and the way they're played in the adaptations.

Speaking of the adaptations, I couldn't help but imagine them as I was reading. In my head I've got the kind of perfect version with Scrooge taken from this film, and Marley taken from that one, and Bob Cratchit from this one. In my head it's also a musical with a mix of songs from three of the musical versions as well. It's a little distracting when you're trying to read.

Monday, 12 June 2017

A Confirmation & A Confession

If you saw yesterday's Silent Sunday post you might have realised I have some news for the blog.

That's right. Someone's stuck around. I'm pregnant.

Today I had an appointment at the hospital to pick up the meds to see me through the next three weeks until my scan. I was kind of hoping we'd get a sneak peak scan to see just who might be in there (right now I'm saying one, Mr Click says two; we've got £5 riding on this).

No such luck sadly but the nurse did request a blood test for me to help set my mind at ease since I've had a little bit of brown discharge (not spotting like last time).

We got the results on the way home. My beta hCG levels are over 4,000 which is pretty good.

I'm definitely pregnant.

Which brings me to my confession.

I've actually known this since the 3rd of June when I took a test five days before my official test day and got a faint but definite line.


The top one was done at nine days post transfer whereas the bottom one was 14 days post transfer.

That original one took about ten minutes to darken up fully whereas the bottom one was there right from the the minute mark.

It was kind of fun keeping it a secret like a 'normal' pregnant woman would. But now I know, I don't mind other people knowing.

Besides, I'm needing to pee so much there's very little I could do to hide it from my friends!