Friday, 11 August 2017

14 Weeks

Today's been a bit of a landmark day today for several reasons.

Firstly, I'm now officially into the Second Trimester. This means I'm supposed to be seeing an end to the sickness, fatigue and sore boobs.

Of course, the steroids and ondansetron are taking care of the sickness right now, even if I am still suffering with crazy nausea; I'm not sleeping through the night so I'm still pretty fatigued; and my boobs didn't hurt much in the First Trimester but they're ramping it up now.

Oh, and you're supposed to stop needing to pee all the time. Well, dehydration had put paid to that for most of the last two months but now I'm drinking reliably, I'm in a constant state of wanting a wee. It seems worse when I lie down, which is helping neither the sleeping, nor the fatigue.

On the whole though, I am feeling a little more like myself. The other night I sat in bed and played with my watercolour paints. I might even try reading again this weekend.

The second milestone is the fact that I went to work every day this week.

Now I'm actually ashamed to admit that I don't remember the last time I managed a full week at work. Okay, a couple of times those partial weeks have been down to holiday or appointments, but mostly I've been too ill to go in. This Monday was the first I managed in I don't know how long!

This has been frustrating for several reasons. One, I never used to have absences. I was two years there before I took a sick day and it was because I was in hospital after narrowly avoiding being airlifted off the island. Two, I actually enjoy going to work and I like my colleagues, missing work makes me feel out of the loop and like I'm not doing my best, and I'm nothing if not an overachiever.

But I managed it this week. And apart from one 3am puking session on Tuesday, I managed it with only a few retches and no puking in the ladies' loos. This was actually cause for celebration with my team leader this afternoon; she clearly believes in celebrating personal achievements.

And thirdly, our final milestone of today is this:


Our first official Baby Bo purchase! And it was an absolute bargain!

I've said all the way along that it's cost us enough money to actually get Bo, so we're being pretty frugal about buying stuff for him. And with that in mind I've been keeping an eye on a local Facebook group where people on the island pass on or sell unwanted items.

In the last three months two cots have cropped up there, which I passed on because it seemed a little too early. But I still keep checking, just in case.

And yesterday that beauty showed up. It's a Clair de Lune moses basket, with a rocker stand, for those of you in the know about these things. So I guess we can make sure Bo gets over any tendencies towards sea sickness nice and early which'll come in handy living on the island. This was listed for the handsome price of £20. And that seemed like too good an offer to reuse.

After a quick discussion with the spousal unit (via Facebook Messenger, since we were in different rooms and are a thoroughly modern couple who weren't even in the room together when our child was conceived so why should we deal with this face to face?) He agreed we should go for it. And we did.

All that's left to spring for is a mattress which will bring the full thing to well under what we had been planning to pay for a basket, basic stand and all.

Oh, and you see the beautiful crocheted shawl I've oh-so-elegantly draped over the edge for the photo above (you can tell I'm getting better, I'm staging photos again)? That was handmade by Bo's Great-Nanny. It'll be hanging out in the basket for the next six months, waiting for Bo to join it.

Friday, 4 August 2017

13 Weeks Pregnant

No, I'm not a day ahead of myself. Bo is. We had our dating scan this week and our due date has been bumped up by a day!

Speaking of which, Hello World:


I've not posted because of a combination of reasons; I got sicker, my Mum came to visit, I got even sicker.

I've had a bit of a battle to get further treatment for the hyperemesis which saw me hitting complete rock bottom on Monday but luckily I saw a brilliant consultant on Wednesday who spotted signs of liver damage, got me on more medication and started treatment for malnutrition as well. I narrowly avoided another hospital admission but all this is for a much longer blog post.

Bo has been totally unaffected by all this. If anything he's been thriving, possibly because he's doing everything I have. He's now a day ahead of schedule and expected to arrive February 9th instead of 10th.

He's got arms, legs, a brain, a stomach and a beautiful little beating heart. He had a little stretch and a wiggle, then got bored with the whole being scanned thing and rolled over to turn his back on us. Of course, he may still be a she, but for now we'll go with he for simplicity's sake.

We next get to check in on him at the end of September which seems at once both really near and an an eternity away.

I'm hoping I continue to respond well to the new meds and as I'm now able to do more than just lie in a dark room, perhaps I'll even be able to get caught up on blogging again.

Keep everything crossed.

Saturday, 8 July 2017

9 Weeks Pregnant

Well it's been an eventful week at Chez Click.

Just to give you an idea of just how eventful it's been I'll begin by saying I'm writing this post from my bed in hospital in Paisley.

But first let's rewind a little way back to Monday when I discovered I could not stop throwing up. I've had pretty bad morning sickness but this had started on Sunday and I was no longer keeping anything down.

Cue a trip to the doctor where I was prescribed Stemetil which, once I doubled my dose, helped improve things enough for me to get to my scan on Wednesday.

There was that heart stopping moment when the nurse had the scanner in me (it was at the ACS Unit so it was an internal scan, of course) and she said something about the heartbeat. For a moment I wasn't sure if she was seeing one or not but then she turned the screen and there was a little heart-shaped thing flickering away and accompanied by this brilliant whoosh whoosh whoosh noise.

We got to see Bo wiggling away quite clearly though he'd flipped round by the time she came to take a photo so he's looking decidedly blob-shaped here. But that is a baby, honest.


We could also see evidence of the second sac/bleed which is still there but smaller now.

On the whole it was a very successful day.

Sadly the following day, Thursday, was less successful.

I managed some toast for breakfast and then began throwing up about three hours later. And couldn't stop.

I came home from work early, sobbed and vomited my way through the evening and agreed with Mr Click that I needed to go back to the doctor the following morning.

The doctor prescribed Cyclizine and asked for a urine sample, which I couldn't provide until much later in the day, and recommended drinking lots of flat sugary drinks.

Eventually I was able to pee and hand in my sample and expected that to be it for the day.

But it wasn't.

A couple of hours later Mr Click got a call asking to bring me and an overnight bag to the hospital. I was woken from my nap and was rushed in to see the midwives who set about arranging for me to come to Paisley.

Which meant rushing to catch the 4pm boat, being bundled into a waiting car and hurried up to the Maternity Unit.

Where there were rushed off their feet but were really fantastic. I had a long wait but after two hours things moved very quickly and within the next hour and a half I was admitted, hooked up to a drip and began the first of so many bags of fluid I lost count of them all.

And then I got moved up to the ward I'm on now.

For those who know about these things, my ketones were +4 when I was on the island and admitted to hospital. I think that means my body was basically breaking itself down for fuel.

After being permanently attached to a drip all night I was down to +3 and after lunch I was +1.

Now, at almost bedtime, I'm all clear. At last. So I'm set for a discharge tomorrow morning. I can't wait.

And did you notice the meals? That's right, I've been eating again. Proper food as well!

Here's hoping the rest of 9 Weeks Pregnant is a little less eventful though.

Saturday, 1 July 2017

8 Weeks Pregnant

Don't worry, I'm still here. The first trimester is just well and truly kicking my butt. I'm pretty much getting up every morning and counting down the time when I can get back into bed (6.30pm every evening). I also have morning, noon and night sickness and despite being the world's biggest baby about throwing up, I'm kind of loving it in a weird way. Oh, and don't suggest ginger for goodness sake, it's everyone's answer to morning sickness and it does nothing for me except burning like hell on the way back up!

First I'll catch you up with what's been going on here because although Seven Weeks was relatively calm, Six Weeks proved to be a little dramatic.

You'll remember that I started Week Six with a spot of bleeding. Well it was all good until the Monday when I tried to return to work. Getting out the car I felt a little 'wetness' so I moseyed on to the loo to discover bright red blood and not just a little of it.

I was 6 weeks 2 days, a full week on from the massive bleed which prompted the end of my pregnancy with Olaf and Elsa. I felt panicked and yet strangely calm because somehow this felt different to what I'd felt that time. I called Mr Click while I was on the loo, told him to come back for me, wandered through to tell my Team Leader I had to go and then headed over to the midwives at the hospital. It all felt a little like deja vu but just with less crying this time.

The midwife we saw, K, was lovely. She was so calm and reassuring, even though at first blush it WAS a lot of blood. She got us booked in for a scan at the Early Pregnancy Unit the following day (the earliest they could take us as scans are only scheduled for the morning) and even called me later in the day to see how I was getting on.

Luckily the bleeding tapered off over the course of the day and by the following morning I was just getting the tiniest bit of spotting. We headed off to the mainland for the scan not really knowing what to expect.

What nobody likes to tell you is that bleeding in early pregnancy is incredibly common, particularly in IVF pregnancies because of the effects of the medication you're taking. Doesn't make it any less scary when it happens to you.

We knew there was a whole spectrum of things that could be happening from a miscarriage right through to a bleed which just happens without any real reason. We knew we should see a baby on a scan at 6 weeks 3 days but it could be too early to see a heartbeat in which case it might be a little inconclusive. It was nerve-wracking to say the least.

Surprisingly it was an abdominal ultrasound rather than an internal one. And the moment she put the scanner on my belly I could see the gestational sac. Even better, before she zoomed in I could see there was something in it. Being the obsessive IVF patient that I am, I've been googling these things.

But the far better moment came just seconds later when she zoomed in on the contents of the sac and there was the perfect flicker of a little heartbeat just merrily doing its thing. I called it before she did!

That's our Bo. He's nestled over towards the right hand side of my uterus.

And the bleeding? Well that appears to have been coming from a second gestational sac so it looks like Luke tried to get going but couldn't for whatever reason. Whereas Bo's sac was nice and round with a nice dark background, Luke's was an odd shape with white bits in it. This was labelled detritus and could have been blood in the sac.

I noticed she did take a measurement of a little long narrow bit in that sac which might have been an embryo at some point. It was slightly smaller than Bo and it didn't have a flicker of a heartbeat.

Strangely I don't feel too sad about the prospect of a vanishing twin. I'm actually glad to know that our second embryo implanted and I'm glad we know what happened to him. It also justifies that little niggle of unease that I had about putting back two embryos. What if we'd only transferred the one and that was the one we put back? Instead of seeing a heartbeat on the scan it would have just been that sad looking sac. The fact that one took and the other didn't makes me think that chromosomally something wasn't quite right and I can cope with that. I'll miss my little Luke but I know he tried.

And it told us where the bleed was most likely coming from and also that we might expect another one (thankfully not so far) as the blood would either come out or be reabsorbed. All in all, as scans go, it was pretty perfect.

And as if to prove it was all okay, Bo kicked up the morning sickness that week. We progressed from nausea to full on vomiting. Usually I spend an hour in the bathroom from about 5.30pm onwards. Sometimes he starts it around 4pm to keep me on my toes. I'm becoming very well acquainted with the bottom of the loos at work!

This week Bo will start to look decidedly baby-like.

We've got a scan scheduled this week so I'm hoping to see that little heart still doing its thing as well as some little arm and leg buds and maybe even some movement. 

Speaking of arms and legs, the Ovia pregnancy app I get these pictures from has this section which shows you your baby's hand and foot size relative to what it's likely to be when they're born. Of course the hands and feet don't actually develop until around Week Eight so I've been waiting rather impatiently to see what this feature looks like.

I have not been disappointed, look at this tiny hand:


And this little dot is the actual size of a foot this week.


I actually beg to differ on this one. I have massive feet for my height, clearly I'm part Hobbit, so I suspect any child of mine will have feet twice as big as the average so as not to let the side down.

What with the tiredness and the sickness and my incredibly limited diet at the moment (oh, and the insomnia, hence the writing of this blog post at 1am, about the only time of day I can keep my eyes open), I'm definitely feeling pregnant right now. And I'm hoping to stay that way for a good while yet.

So keep everything crossed for a nice strong heartbeat this week.

Saturday, 17 June 2017

6 Weeks Pregnant

Today I'm officially six weeks pregnant and according to my app the baby (or babies) will be looking something like this soon, if not already:


This is from the Ovia Pregnancy app and apparently I'm having a character from The Simpsons as all the growing baby images are yellow.

The app tells me that this week a tiny little heart should be beating in my offspring's chest. The baby itself will be about the size of a ladybird and the heart smaller than a poppy seed. My mind is seriously blown at both how tiny this is and also how much it has grown in just three weeks.

This week's been a bit of a mixed bag. We started it with the confirmation that I was definitely pregnant thanks to the hospital blood test, we also made it through the equivalent days when everything went pear-shaped with Olaf and Elsa, and then finished up our last day of Week 5 with a bleed.

It was small but scary and entirely not what I wanted to be seeing following the week when I'd bled and ultimately miscarried. I immediately took the day off work, put myself to bed and have remained there ever since. It seems to have done the trick.

As if to reassure me that all hope is not lost, this evening saw me with my head down the loo, retching up a storm, while I alternately laughed and cried. I've been feeling nausea for about two weeks now but this is the closest I've come to throwing up.

I'm sure I won't be saying this in a few weeks time, but for now, I hope it continues for a while.

I've also got some major good aversions. As in everything except chips. I have a theory that since we went to McDonald's immediately after transfer, the embryo(s) believe chips are the only real food. Mr Click served up chocolate spread on toast for breakfast and my immediate response was to hurl though once I started eating it passed.

Happily I can stand small quantities of dark chocolate but most sweet things are a definite no right now.

Except for sour gummy worms... or tangfastics... I could really go for some of them right now.

Thursday, 15 June 2017

Taking the Test

The 'Two Week Wait' is a torturous time between your embryo transfer and the date you've been given to test on. Different clinics ask people to test on different days, some ask people not to test at all and instead have them go to the hospital for a blood test.

Even between my four transfers I've been given a range of different days to test on, from nine or ten days post transfer right the way up to 12 or 14 days after. Of course this time was the longest I've had to wait.

When an embryo implants it takes a little while for the hCG to build up in your system to be at a high enough level to be detected by a pregnancy test. This starts to be produced around day five or six after transfer but isn't really measurable until day nine, which is the first day you could expect to get a result on a pregnancy test.

With this in mind I carefully calculated that June 3rd would be the earliest I could possibly get a positive test. I'd planned to test early mainly because my official test day was a Thursday and I didn't like the idea of getting the result and then having to go to work straight afterwards, particularly if it wasn't a good result.

The Saturday seemed like the best day to do it, since we would have the whole weekend to come to terms with the result. It was also early enough not to completely ruin my hopes if it was a negative, it might have just been a little too early for it to show up, but by the same token it would help to cushion the devastating blow the following Thursday.

Mr Click and I discussed it. At first he wasn't keen on me testing early, but then he came around to my way of thinking and agreed that testing on Saturday seemed like a good idea.

On the Thursday before I was all for testing but then the following day I felt completely zen about the whole thing. I wonder if this was a little like the overwhelming feeling of 'I'm pregnant' that I got with Olaf and Elsa at about the same point. I sort of felt like I didn't need to test, I could wait until the following Thursday, it was all good.

But then I woke up at 3am on Saturday. Now, if you're not familiar with pregnancy tests, you need to hold your pee for a while before you take the test. They recommend about four or five years to allow the hCG to build up. I worked out that if I was going to take the test, it would have to be then, there'd be no way I could hold on until 7/8am later that morning.

So I dragged myself out of bed. Peed in a little container for the purpose, dipped the test, turned it over and waited three minutes.

And this is what I saw:


That was taken virtually as soon as I'd turned it over and it was a total squinter. The camera wouldn't even focus on it properly unless I stuck my ring on the thing to give it something to focus on.

But it was all I needed to give me a little hope, so I kept watching and after about five minutes it looked like this:


Bear in mind that these photos were taken in awful lighting in the bathroom at some unholy time of the morning. In daylight you could see the line without even squinting:


I think that was when I truly believed that we might just have done it.

Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Currently...

Suffering...
... with a suspected UTI.

I think it started on Monday when we took our trip to the hospital to pick up a fresh supply of my meds. I was aware of the fact that I didn't want to be needing to pee all the way into Glasgow so I drank less than usual which seems to have had an adverse effect on me.

The problem is a sore lower back, needing to pee all the time, and feeling generally run down pretty much describes all my pregnancy symptoms so I sort of hesitated on whether or not it was worth going to the doctor. Yesterday I thought it was nothing to worry about, but this morning I asked Mr Click to make the call and he decided a trip to the doctor was worthwhile.

I'm glad he did.

To paint a wee picture (no pun intended), I filled up a sample bottle. Within ten minutes I needed to nip to the loo again. As well as ten minutes after that. About ten minutes after that we left to go to my appointment (five minutes up the road), by which point I abandoned the spousal unit to check me in so I could nip to the loo again. And then another ten minutes later (right when I was due to go in to see the doctor) I had to nip in again.

I've got a short dose of amoxicillin and we're waiting until Monday for my results to come back in case I need to take something stronger. I have a funny feeling this won't be the last time I'm getting a UTI during this pregnancy.

Reading...
... After the Crash by Michel Bussi.


It's this month's book club book and I'm finding it to be one of those 'one more chapter books'. It's told in both the 'present day' (late nineties) and through a journal which one of the characters is reading. This means that inevitably a chapter ends and you have to wait until halfway through the next one or the one after it to pick up the strand of the story you've been reading so you just have to keep going.

I managed to read about one hundred pages straight off at the weekend though I've slowed down a little since then.

I'm also reading a Mother & Baby magazine, because why not? Mr Click picked it up for me today (I think to cheer me up after the UTI and antibiotic stuff). Our baby doesn't even have feet yet, but I'm going to be hot on tips to help them learn to walk when they get here.

What's keeping you occupied this week?

Tuesday, 13 June 2017

Books 52 & 53 of 2016: Betty's Bright Idea; Deacon Pitkin's Farm; and the First Christmas by Harriet Beecher Stowe & A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

Yes, I'm still reviewing Christmas books. Look at it this way, you can use this to give you an idea of books to look out for in the run up to December this year.

First of today's books is a collection of stories by Harriet Beecher Stowe; Betty's Bright Idea; Deacon Pitkin's Farm; and the First Christmas.


This is a trio of stories, all with a Christmas theme and to be honest, they're kind of depressing. The first has babies dying at Christmas to give people a sense of pity for suffering. The second has a guy giving up on his dreams of an education. And the third was about the Pilgrims and had people dying as well!

These stories are obviously intended to be religious and moral stories for the season though one of the biggest things I was aware of as I was reading them was how much has changed since this book was written.

It's a very short book, only about one hundred pages. All the same, it took me quite a while to get through. It was a nice glimpse into the past, but it's one that I'm unlikely to read again.

I followed this up with A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens because it was the second week of December and it needed to be done. This time I read it in ebook format.


I've reviewed this one so many times that I'll keep this fairly short. And I'm pretty confident that you know the gist of A Christmas Carol. If you don't, head over to Project Gutenberg and read it, then come back and read this review.

As always, I enjoyed my reread of this book. It took me a little longer than usual to read, though I've noticed in later years I've been slower to read it than in the past. For a while I used to be able to sail through it on Christmas Eve, but now I try and read it earlier in the month so it's done before Christmas Day.

I picked out all of my favourite quotes as I read. Some of them are favourites purely because of the various adaptations that we've seen and own, but lots of them are because of the way that Dickens writes. And some are a combination of both the writing and the way they're played in the adaptations.

Speaking of the adaptations, I couldn't help but imagine them as I was reading. In my head I've got the kind of perfect version with Scrooge taken from this film, and Marley taken from that one, and Bob Cratchit from this one. In my head it's also a musical with a mix of songs from three of the musical versions as well. It's a little distracting when you're trying to read.

Monday, 12 June 2017

A Confirmation & A Confession

If you saw yesterday's Silent Sunday post you might have realised I have some news for the blog.

That's right. Someone's stuck around. I'm pregnant.

Today I had an appointment at the hospital to pick up the meds to see me through the next three weeks until my scan. I was kind of hoping we'd get a sneak peak scan to see just who might be in there (right now I'm saying one, Mr Click says two; we've got £5 riding on this).

No such luck sadly but the nurse did request a blood test for me to help set my mind at ease since I've had a little bit of brown discharge (not spotting like last time).

We got the results on the way home. My beta hCG levels are over 4,000 which is pretty good.

I'm definitely pregnant.

Which brings me to my confession.

I've actually known this since the 3rd of June when I took a test five days before my official test day and got a faint but definite line.


The top one was done at nine days post transfer whereas the bottom one was 14 days post transfer.

That original one took about ten minutes to darken up fully whereas the bottom one was there right from the the minute mark.

It was kind of fun keeping it a secret like a 'normal' pregnant woman would. But now I know, I don't mind other people knowing.

Besides, I'm needing to pee so much there's very little I could do to hide it from my friends!

Saturday, 10 June 2017

Moving House

I did plan a proper blog post for today but unfortunately I spent my evening doing this instead.


I'll tell you all about it in a future post.

Friday, 9 June 2017

Dinky Dodge

We don't have favourites in our house. Well, Tara is our favourite labrador but we can't have favourite rats. They're all so lovely in their own little ways.

Fezziwig begs for attention and then pushes you away when you stick your finger in the cage. Jingle likes to ask to come out and then hover in the doorway for ages before he actually leaves. Pocket just wants all of the food.

And then there's Dodger.

Due to his rather rough start in life, he's become a very special ratty. I have to admit, when we got the boys I couldn't help but think he looked rather plain by comparison to our handsome brown, black and white rats. Dodger's a black hooded rat, and is kind of a cross between my first two ratties; Millie, a chunky black and white hooded, and Rosie, an agouti hooded who was clearly the runt of the litter.

Because of his ear infections Dodger spent rather more time in the Baby Cage than his brothers. The first time we kept them all together in there but by the time he got his second infection they were too big to all stay in there, so we separated him out and he spent a couple of days sleeping in our room, getting taken to my In-Laws' house for trips to the vet and generally being mollycoddled.

And now I think he's come to expect it.

Whenever we open the top of the cage to put in food (which is delivered as they expect morning and evening, they can tell the time better than we can), the boys crowd around the shelf to get first choice of whatever the day's treats are.

All except Dodger.

Despite looking like a little dink compared to his brothers, Dodger is actually longer than any of them! He stands on the top shelf, stretches his little paws out and grabs hold of the top of the cage. He's also got fantastic upper body strength which he uses to great effect to pull himself out.

Generally he's happy to just trundle around the top of the cage, but what he really wants when he does this is a cuddle. So you lift him into your arms, or hold him in your hands, and let him sniff your face or plant little ratty kisses on your nose and lips. Sometimes he'll get adventurous and climb onto your shoulder or try to use you as a platform to more interesting things.

It's when you put him back that things get tricky. As soon as his feet touch the floor, he's springing back up again! Mr Click and I are becoming quiet adept at the manoeuvring which is required to get him back in the cage and the top or door closed without trapping any part of his little ratty personage in it.

But he's such a cutie that we don't really mind. After all, if we'd not acted when we did a few months ago, he might not be with us today. That deserves a little bit of spoiling, I think.

And you just can't say no to his demands for cuddles.

Especially as when he sleeps he looks like this:


Thursday, 8 June 2017

IVF #3, FET #3 Symptom Spotting: 1dp5dt - 7dp5dt

Since my transfer I've found myself reading more blog written by people who have undergone IVF treatment, particularly those who blogged about their 'two week wait'. Blogs were a better source of information compared to forums because people tend to keep blogging after the outcome of the test, whereas people on forums often disappear and there's never any follow up. So the person who had spotting on Day 5 disappears and you never know whether that was an implantation bleed or sign of an imminent failure.

Of course, not only is every woman different, every pregnancy is different and as I mentioned last week the side effects of medication and the symptoms of early pregnancy often go hand in hand. This means you can't really compare one person's experiences with your own, but it's sort of nice to know that other people are going through the same thing as you (or went through it, no matter what the outcome).

And with that in mind, I thought I'd share a quick rundown of my first week after transfer, just in case you've found your way here by Googling "4dp5dt blog post".

For the lay people at there the first number and two letters, such as '4dp' stands for the number of days post, the second number and letters stands for 5 day transfer (which is how old our embryos were when we transferred them). The second number will always stay the same but the first number will change each day.

1dp5dt (Friday)

I was feeling pretty crampy, almost as though I was gearing up for my period. I was pretty emotional as well as feeling generally anxious. Probably the other main symptoms were feeling headachey and light-headed which I put down to starting the Clexane the night before.

2dp5dt (Saturday)

I think that it was around Day 2 that the tiredness started creeping in. Considering I was sitting at home with my feet up, I wasn't really doing anything which warranted getting tired about. There was less in the way of cramps this day so I guess that what I'd been feeling was from the transfer itself. With Olaf and Elsa this was the day that I felt very definite implantation pains which I didn't feel this time around, so I kind of wound myself up that perhaps it hadn't worked.

3dp5dt (Sunday)

I finally got some actual twinges and unusual sensations in my abdomen. Perhaps a sign of implantation? I also had an overwhelming sense of happiness, it wasn't really that I felt sure it was working, but I just felt like I was doing everything I could and I was cool with that. Still very tired and my chest felt a little sensitive as well.

4dp5dt (Monday)

I started to feel really thirsty. It wasn't really that I had a dry mouth, just that I was aware of needing to drink more. I also had a fantastically vivid dream that night. I was still feeling pretty happy but waves of emotion would hit me as well and I would need to have a bit of a weep. I think I was also suffering from a touch of hayfever as my nose would alternately block or run at various points in the day. Ended up with a massive craving for doughnuts.

5dp5dt (Tuesday)

Back at work at last. This is both a good thing and a bad thing since I need to focus on what I'm doing so I have less time to obsess about what's happening in my body but also people keep asking me how it went and how I'm feeling which makes me think about it more.

I feel like I get hit with all the side effects/symptoms today. I feel knackered by about halfway through the day, I crack out the ginger biscuits I've been hiding in my locker because I'm feeling nauseous, I'm still really thirsty which of course means there are some moments when I end up going to the loo three times in an hour. Feel nauseous and bloated, end up leaving my jeans undone when I finish work because it's uncomfortable to button them.

I'm slightly anxious as I had a touch of brown spotting when I got up and again periodically through the day. We are moving seats at work and while I'm ferrying stuff from my old desk at one side of the room to my new one the fire alarm goes so I have to stand outside in the sun while we wait for the clearance to go back in. End up feeling really nauseous and kind of light-headed. Feel convinced that I'm out and it's only a matter of time before the inevitable happens and yet kind of optimistic too, decide to try and stay optimistic.

Have to do my Clexane injection on my own. Survive and don't die!

6dp5dt (Wednesday)

I had All. Of. The. Side Effect/Symptoms again today! A little more spotting but no where near as bad as the day before. Still feeling crampy but also incredibly bloated. I make it to lunchtime before I have to undo my work trousers. This helps to almost instantly relieve the nausea, though it seems to come back whenever I start to feel peckish. I eat quite a few ginger nuts.

More vivid dreams. More drinking. More peeing. Got really bad backache as well. Not sure if this is due to my chair at work or if I've been sitting differently because of the bloating.

7dp5dt (Thursday)

Mr Click sees me in the shower and announces that I must be pregnant because my belly is so bloated there's no way there's can be nothing in there! I've felt crampy all day, a mix between feeling like I'm gearing up for a period with a mix of IBS-type cramps thrown in there as well. Begin to wonder if all this peeing might not be a UTI instead and debate whether I should try blasting it with cranberry juice.

Still feeling tired and have a little bit of spotting though the lightest so far and it's pinkish rather than brown as before. Begin to feel anxious about waiting another week for the test.

I'll share how the second week of the two week wait has gone in another post.

Wednesday, 7 June 2017

Currently...

Anxiously awaiting...
... test day.

It's looming very near now and just hoping that everyone is still where we left them. I'm hoping I will soon have some very good news to share about Bo and Luke.

Loving...
... this little gift Mr Click came home with yesterday.


Hopefully it'll be some time before I'm able to use the bath bomb (since baths are a no-go at the moment, you're allowed one as long as it's not too hot and what's the point if you're not boiling?) but I'm hoping to crack out the soap to celebrate before too long.

Learning...
... that you have to be very careful shaving your legs when you're on blood thinners.

I'm currently sporting two very fetching plasters on my right ankle!

Planning...
... a trip away in August.

Although our original plan had been to take a trip to the Harry Potter Studio Tour but a family friend has invited us to visit them so we've taken them up on the offer. It's a part of the country that Mr Click used to visit on holiday when he was much younger but it's somewhere I've never been.

I've been scrolling through pages and pages of places we might like to visit while we're there. I suspect that we may have to make a repeat visit in the future because there just won't be time for everything!

How's your week going? Waiting for an important date or looking forward to something fun?

I'd love to hear about it.

Tuesday, 6 June 2017

Books 50 & 51 of 2016: The Jewels That Was Ours by Colin Dexter & The Spirit of Christmas by Henry Van Dyke

I decided to take a short break from the Christmas books at the very end of November last year and Mr Click was working on his Colin Dexter books so I decided to give the next one a go; The Jewel That Was Ours.


A group of American tourists are visiting Oxford when one of them dies suddenly and the priceless antique that they were bringing to a special presentation is stolen. Of course, once Inspector Morse is on the case, it's not long before things get very complicated as the case is solved.

I got through the first half of this book quite quickly but then as the case dragged on I found that I slowed down my reading as well. I wanted it to be solved but it seemed to take a long time for it to get figured out and I just found my attention wandering.

I don't know if part of the reason for my slowing down was because I could vaguely remember the TV adaptation . It's been quite a while since I saw it, but I think that the ending was different. I guess that's a good thing since you can enjoy the book and the adaptation without one spoiling the other.

This book definitely doesn't give you what you needed to know to solve the case. I suspected that this is also part of the reason why it took me so long to get through as well. If I can't help figure out the case myself, I end up feeling frustrated and I guess that translates to a lack of motivation to go on, since nothing I read will help me solve the crime.

Mr Click has very nearly finished reading all of these books, I think he's just got the one left, so I suspect that we'll be watching the TV series in the next few months. I'm quite looking forward to seeing the adaptation of this one again.

By the time I finished up The Jewel That Was Ours I was ready for something a little more Christmassy, so I went with an ebook version of The Spirit of Christmas written by Henry Van Dyke in 1905. This is a collection of essays and stories about Christmas.


This is a really short little book. I was able to read it all on the 8th of December in a couple of sittings, but it's short enough that it could be read all in one go.

The story at the beginning kind of reminded me of Pilgrim's Progress. It was the angels learning about the birth of Christ so I guess that it was the setting which put me in mind of Pilgrim's Progress. On the whole though, I preferred the essays. The very last one made me think of A Christmas Carol since the message was about carrying a Christmas spirit all through the year.

It's an interesting little read and I think I picked exactly the right time of year to read it.

Monday, 5 June 2017

Going Up In The World

Mr Click and I have been planning a short break in August which means our Tara-Tup gets a little holiday in the local Kennels and I put out a call to my friends to find someone who will volunteer to look after the Mischief.

Last time this happened Tara went away with a lead and some tins of food, whereas the rats (at the time this was Yoda and Wicket) took a big cage, a small travel cage, a big bag of shredding, a big bag of food, a tub of treats, cleaning spray, and of course the rats themselves. It filled the car! Our boys do not travel light.

The Mischief currently live in a Ferplast Jenny. We got this one several years ago, back when we had our girl rats and Carol figured out how to open the door (waking up at 3am with a rat in your bed is a little alarming, especially when two of the rats are missing from the cage).

Now I've liked the Jenny cages. My first one was donkeys years old when we decided to retire it (it was getting harder to keep clean and there was the aforementioned issue of the rat being able to open the door) and after considering the alternatives, we went with another Jenny. This was the new improved version, with plastic coated bars which helped to keep it cleaner for longer.

But now the coating is coming off the bars and it's getting rusty which I don't think is great for the ratbags. Plus not long after we got it, the girls chewed through some of the plastic which keeps the top in place. It's still fine but I dread the day when one of the boys realise that they just need to chew away some more plastic and it would be very easy to get out.

I'd hate for someone to be watching the rats for us and have someone decide to go for a wander. Plus it's getting harder to keep clean and the shelves have jammed in place. Rather than spending the £20-30 to replacement, we're sucking it up, paying an extra £50 and getting a whole new cage (complete with three shiny new shelves).


I was all set to get another Jenny but they seem to be a bit hard to get hold of so we're going for a Savic Zeno 3. It's actually a little bit larger than the cage the boys are in at the moment (so even more of my little living room is going to be taken over by rats) but I think they'll enjoy moving in. I think we'll enjoy setting it up too.

Of course, I did break the news of their impending move to the Mischief. Fezziwig was the only one who was awake at the time and he was supremely underwhelmed.


I'm sure he'll be more enthusiastic once it gets here.

Saturday, 3 June 2017

Film Review: Moana

I really wanted to see Moana but we just missed it when it was at our local cinema so when we were putting an order in to Amazon shortly before our frozen embryo transfer, I asked Mr Click to use it to make up the order so we could watch it during my long weekend chilling at home.

The day after our transfer, I dragged myself out of bed in the afternoon, settled in front of the TV and we popped in the film.


Moana is a teenager who must set out on a quest to help save her people as their island is slowly enveloped by a curse. She meets up with the demigod Maui who must help her to return the heart of Te Fiti to prevent the spread of the darkness which is taking over her island home. Of course, along the way, in true Disney style, Moana learns what her true destiny is.

I can remember when I was younger being told that you can always tell a Disney film by the way that they animated the water. Disney animators seemed to have cracked the way that water flows and ripples and reflects the light in a way which many other film studios just couldn't seem to get.

Nowadays I think that's probably not so much the case. When you look at films like Shrek or Ice Age the water flows and ripples and reflects the light in a very believable way. But Disney have outdone themselves with the animation in Moana.

I wasn't expecting the sea to be a character in its own right, but it selects Moana for her quest as a child, capturing her spirit and calling to her despite her parents attempts to keep her away from it.


Moana is a brilliant character as well. She can't help but be drawn to the sea from an early age, after the encounter seen above. But she's the chief's daughter and is expected to help lead her people. Her father is keen to keep her away from the sea following his own bad experience, but eventually Moana gets her chance to go and heads off on her mission to save the island.


She's a strong character, but she's also a teenager and she's not totally confident in herself. I think she's pretty gorgeous as well. I like that Disney are exploring characters of different races and even more impressively almost every character in this film is voiced by an actor of Polynesian descent. As a young white girl I was lucky in that many of the Disney Princesses had skin or hair or features just like me (more or less) and it's only in recent years that I've really become aware of the fact that for many children that's simply not the case. I think Disney still has a way to go in this department, but I think they're taking steps in the right direction.

Moana's got a lot to learn which I like in a character, it's always good to see that a character is out of their depth and doesn't really know what they're doing. Obviously if you're going to run off and take on a mission at sea, perhaps one important thing to master is the ability to sail. Something which Moana isn't too hot at, but luckily (or perhaps unluckily at first) she meets up with Maui.


Maui is a demigod who thinks rather highly of himself. Unfortunately, he needs his hook to use his shape-shifting powers so they have to hurry off on a side mission to retrieve this from Tamatoa, a giant crab creature before they can restore Te Fiti's heart. Maui isn't overly keen on Moana at first, but gradually he comes around.

One of my favourite things about Maui is his tattoos. He's covered in little miniature representations of himself and the great things he's achieved. These little mini-Maui's seem to be rather critical of him which is the source for lots of little funny moments. There's something about the tattoos which reminds me of the chorus in Hercules.

Maui also has probably the best song in the film, You're Welcome:


If you've not heard this before, be prepared to be singing it for the rest of the day!

The music in this film isn't quite as earwormy as the songs from Frozen, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, I'm sure there are many preschooler parents who are thrilled not to have Let It Go the Second blaring at them every five minutes. I was a little disappointed that the songs didn't quite capture me the way that they did when I watched Frozen (and to some extent, Tangled) but now I feel like they're more of a slow burn collection of songs. I think with each rewatch I'm going to like them a little bit more.

And that's the same sort of feeling I have for the film as a whole. I think that there'll probably be a lot more that I could say about this film once I've watched it again. I'm actually already planning a rewatch a week on from seeing it, which is a clear sign that a film has actually grabbed my attention even if I didn't think it had.

If you've not seen it already, definitely make time to watch it. Enjoy the story, have fun listening to the songs, and celebrate the new characters Disney have introduced us to.

Friday, 2 June 2017

IVF Superstitions

I'm fairly certain that I'm not the only person out there who has developed a set of very specific superstitions relating to their IVF treatment. They're probably sort of obsessions at this stage, though that sounds kind of bad, I prefer to think of them as little habits and routines, which spins them in a more positive light.

I was thinking about this yesterday when I was planning a blog post ahead of time and I chickened out of writing it because I couldn't bring myself to write how many days past transfer I was for that day because it seemed somehow unlucky to assume I was going to make it to that many days past transfer, especially considering how last year's frozen transfer ended so disastrously.

Which in turn got me to thinking about how we ended up taking the train to our most recent transfer partly because that was what we did on the cycle that worked. I suppose it's only natural to want to try and recreate the events which led to your last success.

Back when we were originally planning on taking the car for Bo & Luke's transfer, Mr Click mentioned stopping at a particular carvery on the way home. I immediately shot him down. And why? Because we've stopped there for lunch twice after previous transfers and both of those failed. It's got a black mark against it now, even though that's just a sad coincidence.

On the two that have failed I've also done a bit of walking soon after the transfer, whereas I was very chilled after the cycle that took. Going by that logic I came home from the transfer last week and put myself to bed and relaxed all weekend.


One little quirk I've developed is having a lucky totem. This time around it's my unicorns; Ixi has come along to every appointment (crammed into my bag, poor little guy) and each appointment he's come to has gone smoothly so he's obviously doing his job. The rest of the time he lives beside my bed and it's quite comforting to reach out for him when I'm feeling a little down.

With Olaf and Elsa it was a poster pinned up on the door which was to be theirs. Each time I passed it, I'd tap it for luck. And I had two little charms which I wore on a bracelet, again, I'd fiddle with those when I needed something to distract me.

I think during a cycle, particularly during the interminable two week wait, you need something tangible to hang on to and have some control over. So much of your time during a treatment cycle is spent either waiting to find out what's going on in your reproductive system or at the complete mercy of the hospital and the drugs you've been prescribed; we have to retain our sense of power in any way we can.

And I think for many IVFers we do that with our little routines and superstitions.

We might not be able to control the outcome of the two week wait, but we can control whether or not we eat at an unlucky restaurant or whether or not we're wearing our socks which make us feel like things will go right.

We might not be able to see whether or not our tiny embryos have implanted in our uterus, but we can cling onto that little reminder that they're in there and hold it in our hands in the way that we hope some day to be able to hold our children.

So while it might seem kind of silly, and I kind of hesitated about even posting this blog post today, I think I'll just carry on doing these little things in the hopes that they'll help us get the result we want. And even if they ultimately play no part in the grand scheme of things, well at least I'll feel like I've done everything in my power to help them along.

Even if that does mean occasionally going out with a small crocheted unicorn stuffed in my bag.

Thursday, 1 June 2017

Side Effects or Symptoms?

Bo and Luke have now been on board for a full week and despite my assertions before the transfer that I wouldn't be symptom spotting at all, thankyouverymuch. I can't really help myself.

There are a few reasons why this is a pretty stupid idea.

Firstly, as many websites tell you, most 'normal' women wouldn't be aware of the fact that they are pregnant at this stage. I'm the equivalent of 12 days post ovulation and the majority of women don't become aware of the fact that they're pregnant until they miss a period which probably wouldn't be happening for another few days. Plus many of the symptoms of early pregnancy are pretty similar to an impending period which just confuse things even further.

Secondly, an oft-shared table (amongst IVFers) shows what happens on each day post embryo transfer. hCG, the hormone secreted by the growing embryo, doesn't start entering your bloodstream until roughly six days after transfer; possibly earlier if it's hatching at the time of transfer, obviously later if it's a late implanter. If that was going to give you pregnancy symptoms, you'd need to wait a couple of days at least for there to be enough in your system to give you anything.

And thirdly, it's a sharp upswing in your progesterone levels which gives you most of the common early pregnancy symptoms, so when you're taking copious amounts of progesterone you have no way of knowing whether the things you're experiencing are pregnancy related or merely a side effect of your meds.


I tried to make a mental note of the side effects I was experiencing before the transfer. I had a touch of insomnia which seems to have vanished, presumably because I'm also suffering from extreme tiredness now (also a side effect of the progesterone). I did notice I was peeing a little more as well shortly after starting the meds which I noted mainly because that, along with the insomnia, were my main symptoms when I was pregnant with the twins.

Now I'm still peeing a lot, but I have no idea whether that's simply because there's more progesterone in my system now, or because there's someone else inhabiting my body. Or perhaps it's because I'm drinking about twice as much as I normally would. That's because I'm feeling a lot more thirsty than usual. Dry mouth/increased sense of thirst can be a sign of early pregnancy, but it's also a side effect of progesterone.

Recently I've been experiencing some crazy bloating. I don't know if I didn't notice it immediately after transfer because I spent the long weekend wearing pyjamas which are rather generous around the middle, but this week I've discovered that by the afternoon at work I have to undo my work trousers. Failure to do this results in them cutting into my rapidly expanding belly and makes me feel very uncomfortable and ill.

Mr Click actually took one look at my massive belly and announced that I must be pregnant because I'm so big there must be someone in there!

Bloating can be an early pregnancy symptom. And why? Because progesterone can slow down the gut, causing a build up of gas and constipation (among other delights). And what am I taking? Progesterone, of course.

Each morning I'm back to slightly more normal proportions but by lunch time I'm puffing up again. I'm guessing this is because my slow digestive tract is getting several hours as I sleep to get things dealt with, then I wake up in the morning, start filling myself up again and by lunch I've hit saturation point again.

Other possible symptoms/side effects?

Well, I'm getting a touch of nausea, again that's another side effect of the progesterone that I'm on. That seems to be worse when I'm feeling hungry though the other night I drank a cup of peppermint tea before bed and was convinced I was about to throw up. It passed after a few minutes and it hasn't been back since.

And then there was a touch of spotting as well. Last year's frozen embryo transfer failed five days after the transfer and that began with some spotting first thing in the morning, so you can imagine how my heart sank when I got a couple of little spots on Tuesday morning (exactly five days after our transfer). I've had it a few more times since then, though nowhere near as heavy as last year's spotting (which very quickly developed into a full on period).

If you Google it, there are boards full of women who had 'implantation spotting' and went on to deliver a perfect baby, along with plenty of women who didn't. But even this could be caused by the progesterone. Since one of the drugs I'm on is in pessary form, it could be irritating my cervix and causing these little episodes.

And so you can see why all of this is sort of madness inducing. Obviously the only way to know for sure is to wait for the test, which gives me plenty more time to analyse these things a little more!

Wednesday, 31 May 2017

Currently...

Feeling...
... sore.


It's all because of that little beauty up there.

That's my Clexane injection (the blood thinner) which is in a very funky preloaded syringe. Now I like the format of this, even though for the first few days I was convinced I wasn't doing in properly because you can't actually see the liquid going in. Also when you get to the end of the injection this outer tube comes down to cover the needle. It's clever.

The needle is pretty thin and although it's fairly painless going in (once you've broken the skin at least) but the solution burns and stings like crazy. It actually brings tears to my eyes (whereas in the past the tears normally come before when I'm trying to mix up the injectables).

I don't know where I went wrong this evening, perhaps I pressed in a little too hard, perhaps I hit a spot I've hit before, perhaps it was just bad luck. I managed to make myself bleed with this one.

I'm now sporting a lovely plaster on my bloated belly.

Going...
... slowly crazy.

It's so frustrating not knowing what's happening in your own body, especially when everything that could be a pregnancy symptom can also be a side effect of the meds you're on.

After having five days off work (four of which were full days post transfer) I was getting kind of ready to go back. Not so much because I wanted to work, but because I thought being out of the house would help take my mind off things.

I don't really think it has. Now I'm wondering whether my computer chair is to blame for my backache and the fact that come lunchtime today and yesterday my belly has bloated up so badly I've had to unbutton my trousers (thank goodness for long tops)!

Relaxing...
... by (attempting to) keep calm and colour unicorns.


Thus far I've completed two unicorn pictures and I'm working on a third, this time in rainbow colours:


I spent a good chunk of last Thursday, Friday and some of Saturday working on that one on the left. I'm not sure it really succeeded in taking my mind off of things, but it was good to have something to focus on. I also like that each page has an inspiring quote on it.

I'm planning on heading to bed in a minute (because I'm exhausted) and entertaining myself with a little more unicorn colouring while with watch The Dukes of Hazzard. Hopefully I'll have a rainbow unicorn to share in an upcoming blog post.

Tuesday, 30 May 2017

Books 48 & 49 of 2016: Christmas Entertainments by Alice Maude Kellogg & A Cowboy For Christmas by Kristen James

It's nearly June so what better time to review the books that I was reading last Christmas?

Both of these were ebooks from my extensive Christmas ebook collection, the first of which was Christmas Entertainments by Alice Maude Kellogg. This is a collection of poetry and prose for school plays written by in 1897.


Before I even get to reviewing the contents of the book, I have a bit of a bone to pick with the formatting of this ebook. The poems ended up with a scroll arrow right at the bottom of the page, which I've never seen before. It was in exactly the right place to mean when you hit it you frequently brought up the progress bar instead of scrolling down to the next stanza of the poem.

On a couple of occasions I wasn't paying attention, hit the scroll arrow, brought up the progress bar and then tapped again so jumped forward in the book and had to try and backtrack to where I'd been moments before.

I don't know if this was just my old Kindle being, well, old, or if this is something screwy in the way this ebook was set up. I've never seen it before and there didn't seem to be any way to turn it off. Perhaps at some point I'll try downloading it onto my new Kindle to see if this still has the scroll button, but I'm probably not that invested in this book to bother doing that.

This book was very dated which meant that it came across as kind of offensive. A lot of the little plays/rhymes for children to recite would need reworking to make them less racist or sexist. Plus a lot of them call for the songs to be sung to the tune of songs which aren't widely known any more.

It's a nice little snippet of history but I think it would be pretty redundant for what it was originally intended as.

Still in the mood for something festive, I followed this up with A Cowboy for Christmas by Kristen James.


When the brother she barely knew passes away, Missy inherits his share of the Stables he was running with Brent and decides that she won't let her lack of knowledge of horses put her off trying to make a go of it. Brent's not convinced she's got the staying power the business needs and, of course, sparks begin to fly.

This is a really short read, just 176 pages. I read it in a few sittings over the course of the day on the 27th of November. You pretty much know what to expect from a book like this and this book pretty much delivers.

It was fairly obvious that Missy and Brent were going to get together, you can kind of tell that from the title and the cover. It's kind of like when you watch a romantic comedy, it's not about the ending since you already know what will happen, it's about the route they take to get there.

I did like the writing style. It wasn't trying to be anything fancy but I enjoyed the descriptions of the scenery. There was also a sample of another book at the end which sounded pretty good as well.

A nice little read if you're looking for something vaguely festive and totally fluffy.

Monday, 29 May 2017

IVF #3, FET #3: Transfer Day, Part 2

On Saturday I told you about our wait to hear from the Embryologist on T-Day (and my subsequent hanging up on him, oops). I'll pick up where I left off.

We'd just had the call when we were in the shop trading in our phones. I stepped away from the counter before darting back to relay the message to Mr Click. We finished up what we were doing there, the staff wished us good luck and told us to stop back in the future to let them know how we got on.

And then we wandered round to Paperchase to cool our nerves for a little while before making the move towards the hospital.

We were to be there for 11am so well in advance of that, we caught the bus and headed hospital-wards. I'd gone from a buzzing ball of anxiety to a buzzing ball of excitement. I'd not wanted to get my hopes up too much in case of disappointment, but now we'd got the go ahead, I was so ready for it.

Now one of the worst things about an embryo transfer is that you have to have what is termed a 'comfortably full bladder'. Anyone who has ever tried to sustain a comfortably full bladder will be aware of what an oxymoron this is. Your bladder can either be full or comfortable, but not both.

I've been stung by this before. On my first transfer, when I followed the medical advice to the letter, I duly emptied my bladder an hour and a half before my appointment time and began drinking an hour before. I'd been advised to drink a bottle of water. By half the bottle I was bursting and I spent most of the wait for the transfer pacing because I was convinced I was going to wet myself!

Since we'd been given a time of 11:40am, I figured I'd start drinking at about 11am. The progesterone I'm on has been making me pee more so I thought it'd take me less to fill myself up. As it happens, just because I feel full, doesn't mean I'm actually full. Lesson learned, though hopefully I won't need to put that into practice again any time soon.

We were summoned through at almost bang on 11am, making me glad that I'd sent Mr Click away to get his coffee when I did otherwise I would've been flying solo for the transfer. One of my favourite nurses, K, took us through where we were immediately changed into our stylish transfer-wear:

Proving you don't have to shop at Ann Summers for baby-making outfits!
I started to panic slightly because things were moving along a little quicker than I'd been expecting, so I began chugging water. As I said, I did feel pretty full but as I later learned, not quite full enough.

K returned with our letter with our pregnancy test details (a date that I'm keeping close to my chest so I don't have people asking whether we know if it's worked yet or not). Followed shortly afterwards by the Embryologist, M, and our Doctor, Dr. S, who I've seen before (I think she did our first egg retrieval but I'm not sure), she remembered us anyway.

M straight away confirmed that both embryos survived the thaw and they were looking 'beautiful'. They were both top grade when they were frozen and of the two one had thawed back to top grade, the other one was still expanding (I think she said 95% so nearly there) so it wasn't given a grade but it was still looking good.

Originally we'd planned to be somewhere near the bottom of the list for the day's transfers so I suspect that if we'd not been in such a hurry to get them back where they belonged, they both would've been fully expanded and maybe even starting to hatch as some of our previous ones have been.

Neither was hatching at the time we saw them, but for me that also felt like a good omen. With Olaf and Elsa they were compacted at the time of transfer, so perfectly circular with no little bubbles poking out. Obviously a hatching blastocyst is perfect for transfer since it should be ready to get stuck right in, but neither of our hatching ones have hung around for long so I was happy with how our two were looking.

M checked that we wanted to see them on the screen when we went in, of course we did, then she hurried off to get them ready. Meanwhile, Dr. S. went over the transfer process with us. Since we're old hands at this now she didn't linger on it too much, other than discussing the risks of multiples, which we were aware of. She did mention my previous issues, particularly last year's spectacular failure. Apparently transferring a second embryo increases our chances by about 5% and I'll take whatever I can get.

And just like that we were ready to go.

We headed through to the room. I went over to the hatch, handed over my ID card to the Embryologist (so we could make sure that the Click embryos went back, rather than anyone else's), then I hopped up on the bed, stuck my feet in the stirrups and had my lady bits exposed to everyone in the room with the exception of Mr Click who had been deposited in a seat at my head.

A minute or two passed and then two little circles popped up on the screen. On the right was our top quality, fully expanded embryo and on the left was the one which was still working on re-expanding. Something they've never done before at transfer is pointing out which bit of the embryo will become the baby, but this time they did. The right one's Inner Cell Mass could be seen at the three o'clock position and the left one's Inner Cell Mass was at the twelve o'clock position; a little dark bubble of cells which could some day be a person. It was incredible.

This was probably my most uncomfortable transfer. I don't know if it's the meds I'm on or if I was really tense but I felt pretty tender while they were working on me.

The process is supposed to be a little like a smear test. A speculum is inserted, then a catheter is fed through the cervix, then when everything is as it should be the embryos are brought through in a separate catheter and they're popped back where they belong.

And if you've got a full enough bladder you can watch the magical process on the ultrasound screen thanks to the nurse pushing the ultrasound scanner on your bursting bladder. In the past we've seen it really clearly but this time I wasn't quite full enough so it was harder to make out what was going on. Dr S didn't really need the ultrasound, it was just to help make sure everything was positioned right and is actually more for our benefit than theirs.

Despite not being as clear as it could have been we were still able to see the little flash of fluid containing our embryos being pushed into my uterus. At least until I sort of giggled nervously and jiggled things a bit so we lot sight of them again. It's hard to stay still for all this.

And then you're more or less free to go. We headed back to our room, got changed and had some extra meds delivered.

Then it was time to hop in a taxi, grab some lunch and head home where I, feeling totally exhausted, hopped into bed and watched most of the second series of Outnumbered to remind ourselves of what we're getting into.

Oh, and we've named our embryos. In honour of the fact we've been watching The Dukes of Hazzard recently, currently nestled in my uterus are Bo and Luke, Mr Click even uttered a little 'Yee-haw' when they went back.

Let's hope they stay there for the next nine months or so.

Saturday, 27 May 2017

IVF #3, FET #3: Transfer Day, Part 1

It's funny how little superstitions creep in around your IVF cycles, especially when you've done more than one cycle. I'm guessing this is probably a normal thing to happen, I've definitely read of people who have to eat at a certain restaurant after transfer or will watch a particular film in the run up to egg collection, because that's what they did when it worked, so that's what they have to do this time.

I'm afraid I am one of those people.

The day before our transfer I very carefully made a list of all the things we needed to do that night and evening. This included things like organising the medication I would need the following day (since we needed to leave early and didn't know what time we would be back), laying out my clothes (so we could get up and leave with the minimal amount of stress) and making sure my lucky unicorn Ixi was packed in the bag Mr Click would be carrying (I have been banned from all heavy lifting).

The outfit I picked out is the exact same one that I have worn to every other appointment for this frozen embryo transfer; comfy jeans (with a hole in, oops), stripey top, Hogwarts Quidditch top and Wonder Woman socks. This was what I wore for the egg collection and that went pretty damn well, so I wore it for my baseline scan and that went perfectly, so I wore it for my lining scan and that went really well too. So there was never any question that I would wear anything else for Transfer Day.

Now although this is our third frozen transfer, it's our fourth transfer total. Two of those we've travelled to the hospital by car and one on public transport; the one where we travelled by public transport was the one which stuck (for a while). There was some debate about how we would get to the hospital and eventually we decided we would go by train and bus to keep the day kind of relaxed and give us something to do if we had a bit of a wait before we could go in.

The way that a Frozen Transfer works means that first the embryo has to be thawed, this only takes about twenty minutes but then they like to monitor them for a while to make sure they do everything they're supposed to. Ideally an embryo will be warmed up and then will continue on as it did before, dividing, preparing to hatch, actually hatching. Some are a little sluggish (who can blame them after being 'asleep' for so long) and others hop right back to it.

So on the day of the transfer you'll get a call from the Embryologist to let you know if they've thawed successfully. We'd given permission to keep thawing embryos if one didn't make it, but I was still hoping it wouldn't come to that. You don't like to think about your potential future babies failing to make it over the first hurdle. Nine seems like such a lot but it's strange how quickly it can seem like hardly any.

We had to leave before we got that call so we made our way into Glasgow, along the way I got very excited to see a pair of magpies out the train window (two for joy, of course) and the woman sat opposite us obviously overheard me freaking out talking about the transfer with Mr Click and wished us good luck as we got off.

Even though I knew we had pretty good odds for a successful thaw, I couldn't help but feel that little niggle of doubt that it wasn't going to work. We've been pretty lucky so far to have three embryos frozen and three make it through the thaw. That's 100% success. What if, I wondered, we'e used up all our luck? What if this is the time they don't make it? How many of our top quality embryos could we blow through in one go?

We headed up to trade in our old phones when the call from G, the Embryologist came in. Did I mention I got a new phone last week? Well I've never actually had to answer a call on this phone before!

Here's a little tip if you might be getting a call from your Embryositter: Make sure you know how to answer your phone!

I hung up on him!

In case you're keeping track, that's now twice I've failed to take a call from the Embryologist, the first being their first day of life when I totally missed their call. Thankfully G called back a second later. He was fine about me rejecting his call, I'm guessing they get a lot of that; anxious parents hitting the wrong button or something.

And he had good news for us.

Both embryos survived the thaw! And since we were already in Glasgow we got bumped up the list. Transfer was set for 11:40am giving us about an hour and a half before we needed to head to the hospital.

As for what happened when we got there, I'll save that for Monday, which is when this happened:

Friday, 26 May 2017

Frozen Embryo Transfer Update

I'll write a proper blog post later but for now enjoy this quick selfie I snapped yesterday of Mr Click and I all suited and booted (or at perhaps bootied, since we had to cover our feet with those paper booties they wear in Silent Witness at crime scenes).


This was taken shortly before we went in for the transfer, which, if I have slightly more energy than today, I shall tell you all about tomorrow.

Spoiler Alert: It went really well!

Thursday, 25 May 2017

IVF #3, FET #3: T-Day!

Today is the big day!

Note: We're not bring all nine home with us, this just happened to be the first embryo photo I found on my laptop!

Hopefully by the time you're reading this I will be what is known in IVF-circles as 'PUPO', that is 'Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise' and all being well my future offspring will be getting snuggled in nice and tight ready for a cosy nine months with me.

I have no idea which of the Nine that will be, but I'm hoping that some time in the future they might get to read the letters I wrote to them during April (along with the dozens of others I intend to write along the way).

If any of you would care to put out some good vibes into the universe in whichever way you prefer; good thoughts, well wishes, prayers, whatever, they will all be gratefully accepted.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Wednesday, 24 May 2017

Currently...

Making use of...
... the local library at last!


The library is open late on a Tuesday so I took advantage of this to pop in on the way home from work and pick up the May Book Club book.

Of course, this means that I'm now frantically trying to finish the ebook I'm reading at the moment. It's taking a little while since I'm falling into the habit of nodding off while I'm reading it. The night before last I woke up to find Mr Click blissfully snoring away on top of my Kindle. Luckily there was no harm done.

Preparing...
... for tomorrow! Embryo Transfer Day!

I wrote out a massive list of things I needed to get done this evening. We've got a very early start tomorrow and I've got the complication of meds to take before I go so I need to get as much done as possible tonight.

As I'm writing this, I'm charging my Kindle, Fitbit and powerbank. Next up on the list is organising the clothes I'm planning on wearing (my lucky outfit which I've worn to every appointment on this round, the nurses must think I'm a real skank with only one set of clothes). That's to be followed by doing a stock take of the meds I have in the cupboard (and scattered elsewhere around the house) so I can request extras to see me through to the Official Test Date.

Off...
... for an early night.

We do have an early start after all. And it's kind of an important day for us.

Keep everything crossed for a successful thaw and transfer.