What Happens?
Count Olaf has adopted the identity of a receptionist to Dr
Orwell, named Shirley. Shirley reveals that she is working alongside Dr Orwell,
that Klaus is being hypnotised and that she intends to get hold of the children
to raise them herself. Orwell and Shirley then let the children return to the
lumbermill where they are given a memorandum containing some very bad news.
Thoughts as I read:
This chapter opens with a lovely image of what we can assume are
Shirley’s legs. There’s the smart skirt, the sensible shoes (though they look
more black than beige) and a stylishly patterned pair of tights. The tights are
in fact patterned with the classic eye motif and are not quite enough to contain
Olaf’s hairy legs, though he really does have the legs to pull off that kind of
an outfit; it’d maybe look a little bit better if he shaved so there weren’t all
the stray hairs poking through.
The actual text of the chapter starts off by talking about how
children who are in trouble may be said to have low self-esteem and how this is
often not the case, rather that the low self-esteem is caused by something which
is causing the trouble (example are given such as a monster, a bus driver, a
banana peel, killer bees, the school principal). And so the Baudelaires
know that they are in trouble and they know that this has nothing to do with
their levels of self-esteem.
Violet and Sunny’s self-esteem levels are just fine as the former
can invent things and the latter knows her siblings are interested in her. They
knew that they were attractive but none of this changes the fact that they
are in trouble.
Olaf continues pretending to be Shirley, even though he obviously
isn’t, by asking their names. When the girls call him out, he merely points to
the nameplate as evidence that his is in fact Shirley. Sunny sensibly replies
“Fiti!” meaning “That nameplate doesn’t prove anything, of course!” Olaf
explains that he has decided that he would now like to be Shirley and therefore
that is what they should call him, er, her.
Now I could start a discussion here about perhaps Olaf is actually
a transgender person, but we all know that it’s far more likely that he’s really
just trying to catch the children using any old disguise that will work for him.
The guise of Shirley is just the latest in a long line of disguises.
Then again, he’s done a very good job with his disguise. He’s
grown his nails long and painted them. That’s not even something that I do very
often. I painted my nails for the first time in years at the beginning of the
month purely for my cousin’s wedding. As that’s likely to be the last family
wedding for a while I probably won’t need to do it again for ages!
It is quite interesting here that the text refers to Count Olaf
exclusively as Count Olaf until he says he wishes to be called Shirley, at which
point the text switches to using Shirley and the pronoun ‘her’. Just an
observation. Oh, and Shirley has a monobrow.
Shirley seems more than willing to tell the Baudelaire girls what
she’s up to and how she’s working with Dr Orwell to get the Baudelaires. Sunny
responds with “Popinsh!” which Violet defines as “Dr Orwell hypnotised Klaus and
caused that terrible accident, didn’t she?”
Violet is expecting them to be abducted and carted off somewhere
so that Olaf can do terrible things to them and steal all their money. But that
is not what happens. Instead Shirley offers them a cookie and states that her
wish in life is to raise three children. Violet tries to point out how
ridiculous this is as Sir is raising them but it doesn’t take a genius to
realise that Sir’s not exactly the most devoted of guardians. After all, he’s
putting three children to work in a dangerous lumbermill where he pays his
employees with coupons and doesn’t even feed them proper meals. How much of a
fight is he really likely to put up if Count Olaf asks him to hand over the
children?
At that moment however Dr Orwell returns with Klaus who is looking
all dazed. He’s been hypnotised again. They’ve obviously got some sinister plan
up their collective sleeves because Dr Orwell just hands Klaus over to his
sisters and tells them to let him rest. She also says that she expects she’ll
see them soon, after all, Klaus is always causing accidents.
Sunny’s reply is practically English “Roopish!” meaning “They’re
not accidents! They’re the results of hypnotism!” But no one responds to her and
so they girls are forced to take Klaus out of the building as he muses about how
he feels like he knows Shirley from somewhere else. “Ballywot!” says Sunny,
meaning “She’s Count Olaf in disguise!”
At least this time around Violet and Sunny know that Klaus has
been hypnotised, so although this is all very frightening, at least they have
slightly more understanding about what is going on here. Violet pushes Klaus to
remember what has happened but all he knows is that he broke his glasses, then
he calls Violet ‘Veronica’.
On the facing page while all this is going on, is a full page
picture, as we have come to expect in the centre of these books. It shows the
building looking differently to the way I imagine it. In this image the eye is
standing up on it’s side, whereas I picture it as actually looking like an eye
without needing to tilt your head. The spikes along the roof don’t make as much
sense with it the way it’s pictured, but if it was my way then they would be
eyelashes.
Violet decides that the best course of action is to put Klaus in
the dormitory and then see Sir to see if he can help them. Sunny agrees with a
glum little “Guree” and so they set off. Their fellow lumbermill employees are
less than enthused at their return, though Phil, ever the optimist, tells his
colleagues that it was an accident. Phil’s leg is in a cast and he’s not too
bothered about it. I bet he doesn’t get any time off work though.
There’s a memorandum for the children about the accident though
and it contains some very, very bad news. The children are being blamed for the
accident as this is a sign that they are ‘bad workers’ and these are not
tolerated at the lumbermill. The children are threatened with being sent away to
be adopted by a receptionist in town. A receptionist named Shirley.
Shirley not!
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