I don't like Mondays

I never once imagined writing this post.

What I thought of be writing about today was how we had our final scan at the Nuffield before finishing stimulation. I thought I'd be writing about all the follicles we saw and how exciting it was. How we rushed home with the trigger shot to get it into the fridge as soon as possible. How we anxiously awaited the phone call to confirm when to administer it and then hurried to book a hotel for the following night and started organising what we needed to take with us.

That's not what happened.




It all started so well. We went for the scan and saw loads and loads of follicles. I'd been getting a pain in my right side with every step and the scan showed why. I'd got at least twenty-seven on that side including a 19mm one! The nurse gave up counting the left side because there were so many.

I'd been told to stop my jabs because we should be ready for egg collection on Wednesday so it looked like we were going to be all ready to go.

Then we got the first blow. Due to my high number of follicles I was hyper stimulating so we'd probably have to freeze all of (any) embryos we got to give my body a chance to recover before we moved on to a frozen transfer a few months down the line.

Mr Click was a bit more surprised at this than me because he'd forgotten this warning at the beginning. I thought 'that's okay, at least we'll know that we've got embryos to use'. Sure, that would've made things a bit tricky with actually getting them transferred because of the winter weather, but at least we'd know they were there.

Talking about it on the way home we decided that this would be for the best, after all, we wanted me to be healthy and able to produce the best possible environment for our baby-to-be. It was a set back, but not a huge one.

After our scan I had another vial of blood taken and then our nurse, L, went over what we needed to do in preparation for the op. I was elated, even with the strong likelihood of having to do a 'freeze all' I couldn't help but feel excited at the prospect of moving on to the next stage. We went through the fact I couldn't eat or drink from midnight the night before, how I couldn't wear make up or perfume, what Mr Click would need to do. We'd already looked up the hotel we'd stop in so we discussed that too.

All we had to do was wait for the call to let us know when to administer the trigger shot. We got it and then had to dash off for home because it needed to be put in a fridge until I had to take it. I'd planned a leisurely lunch and a spot of shopping for the afternoon but we cancelled that immediately in favour of heading home as quickly as we could.

I spent the whole time freaking out, panicking that Mr Click would warm it up too much by holding the bag it was in on his lap or something.

I needn't have bothered.

We were just getting off the boat when the call came and my heart sank the minute I answered it and heard 'I'm afraid it's not good news'.

Our cycle was cancelled.

Even just typing it out like that makes me feel crushed.

My estrogen levels were too high so my ovaries were hyper stimulated. If we carried on to egg collection and I administered the trigger I could get really really sick with OHSS.

I stood there on the boat taking this call and just felt everything sort of crash down around me. All the trips, all the early starts, all the holidays I used from work, all the pills, all the injections, all the side effects, all the discomfort I'd felt over that last weekend; I told myself it would all be worth it in the end. And this was it, the end, and it didn't feel worth it at all.

The hospital were lovely. Our doctor phoned once we had a chance to get home and L phoned again later in the evening to check we were doing okay. I wanted so badly to be angry with them, but I couldn't. They didn't do anything wrong, it was just my body finding new and unusual ways to disappoint me.

Dr L chatted to me on the phone for a good while, making sure I understood the exact reason why we needed to cancel it. Ironically I can't have unprotected sex until I get a bleed because there could potentially be a lot of eggs floating around and we can't risk anything happening there. All I can say is good luck to them negotiating my twisted, scarred Fallopian tubes!

There's a different, short protocol that we could try next time. I think this mythical 'next time' is probably the worst part of it all. People keep on mentioning it to try and help us feel better, but it just hurts all the more.

We live on a Scottish island which means transport to the hospital requires not only two trains and a taxi, but also a ferry. In the winter months (or rather between around October and March, so part of autumn and spring as well) the ferries can be unpredictable due to windy weather. That basically rules our a huge chunk of the year when we can't plan any sort of treatment.

We need to wait roughly two months before we could try again which would take us into November. I used to commute to university every day and I've done travel in bad weather, I've had to leave early because the boats are being cancelled, I've had to make emergency arrangements to sleep on people's floors. Now I have a job and a labrador, it's not that easy any more. Calling Uni because I can't get off the island is one thing, what if we had to cancel the next cycle because we can't get to a crucial appointment?

Although the earliest we could try again would be November, the earliest we can realistically try again would be March. Come April we'll be two years on the NHS waiting list, what if we start another cycle privately and then get the go ahead to do the NHS one? I doubt whether they would hold our slot on the NHS until we were ready for it.

Right now I'm torn and I really don't know where we go next. I really hate the vibe I got from the other hospital; dirty toilets, staff who don't know where things are, dismissive attitudes when you call for information or support. They might be having a multimillion pound refurb at the moment but they need to make some changes at a really fundamental level too. I love how clean and welcoming the Nuffield was, I like that when Dr L phoned she immediately talked us through what could be done differently to help us get a result in the future; it felt like the staff were sharing in our disappointment with us. If I write out a list of pros and cons, the Nuffield is going to win every time.

But what am I supposed to do in the meantime? It's been a really long four years, another seven months might as well be a lifetime.

IVF Update: My New Favourite Number

After my first scan to check for follicle growth I was pretty nervous about the second. Sure the nurse on the Monday had told us it was a bit early to see any changes, but come Friday I didn't feel any different and I was convinced that we'd go in and there would be nothing to see again.

I needn't have worried.



After stressing about it for a good chunk of the week, Friday morning I had a word with my ovaries and told them I was expecting them to have no fewer than four follicles each. Clearly my pep talk (and possibly the week's worth of Gonal-F) helped because on Friday morning there was definitely something to see!

I've got seven follicles in my right ovary, while the left is currently in the lead with nine (including a whopping 16mm one)! Hence my decision that sixteen is my new favourite number. The smallest were 7mm and there were several at 9mm and 12mm.

So I can heave a huge sigh of relief.

I'm scheduled for another scan on Monday with potential egg collection on Wednesday or next Friday.

IVF Latest: First Scan

On Monday we went to the Nuffield for our first scan to check my progress while I'm having the Gonal-F injections.



Having read other people's experiences online I suspected that I wasn't quite ready yet. Aside from the crazy hormonalness, the slight twinges and the ever-present nausea, I've not had the bloatedness or been able to feel anything under my skin.

The scan confirmed that it's still a wee bit too early to be scheduling a trip to theatre any time soon.

We took the car this time which I was pleased about. I've been incredibly emotional about the smallest things so considering the things that made me cry on Monday, I'm glad I was in the car for this trip. It also enabled us to go to Singapore Express (the all you can eat Chinese buffet) and for me to pick up some new jeans (one of mine has an inexplicable stain which looks creepily like blood although it definitely isn't).

By taking the car but catching the boat we would've caught had we used public transport we arrived at the hospital an hour and a half early. I always feel a bit guilty about getting there early because the poor staff seem to feel bad about us sitting in the waiting room for ages and I'm sure we much up the appointment schedule. It's nice to have time to sit and relax after the journey.

They were obviously quite busy on Monday, it seems like it's a good time of year for fertility treatment. First of all I had my blood taken by S.

We chatted as she did it and I sat with my little bit of gauze for a few minutes waiting for my arm to stop bleeding. S asked if it had, I checked, said yes, tossed the gauze and rolled down my sleeve. Except my poor pin-pricked vein had other ideas and started up again, getting blood all over my sleeve. It was just a tiny bit and barely noticeable but I was kind of annoyed with myself; next time ask for a bit of tape!

We were handed over to L for the scan. It's funny how worked up I was for the first one. Now I've got the routine down perfectly; into the little toilet, strip from the waist down and don sexy hospital gown with patented butt-revealing back, hop onto the bed, put your legs up on the rests, take a deep breath and let the nurse do her thing.

This time I had an extra job to do. I was asked to make some notes of measurements on my chart, Mr Click was asked first but being hard of hearing he suggested he wasn't the best choice if they wanted actual accurate details. So I did it, though as I said above, it was a wee bit too early for anything to have happened so I just had to record the thickness of my womb lining, for anyone keeping score I think it was 6.8 (I'm guessing millimetres).

I did get a quick glimpse at one of my ovaries and it's tiny developing follicles. I think the measurement there was 6mm on the one L measured.

She reassured us that although there wasn't much change yet it was still early days as I'd only been doing the injections since Friday, making Monday morning my fourth day of jabs. Later that evening we got a phone call to confirm our next appointment would be Friday giving us a week of jabs and hopefully something to show for it on the scan.

I was kind of hoping for an increase of medication or something but reading online since then it looks like I'm a bit slow to respond but otherwise on track. Hopefully I'll pick up some momentum and my follicles will really wow them at the next scan.

Gonal-F Injections

Yesterday I wrote about my appointment at the Nuffield last Wednesday when we picked up my meds.

I left off yesterday with us leaving the hospital after having had a scan and a blood test. We'd been told to expect a phone call the following day but when we got onto the ferry at about 6pm I noticed that I had a missed call and a message from G with our results from the blood test. I called back and was given the go-ahead to start the jabs on Friday morning.



I was told to give myself 150iu morning and evening for the first two days and then just once a day after that. I need to leave twelve hours (roughly) between the morning and afternoon so I settled on doing it at 8am and 8pm because that gives me time to get up on the weekend when I like to have a lie-in. So come Friday at 8am I was nervously preparing to stab myself in the belly for the first time.

It's not really that difficult. You remove the pen cap, screw on a needle, turn the dial to the right dosage (for me it's 150iu), push the needle into your skin and then press the button on the end for ten long seconds. There's even an iPhone app complete with videos to help you get it right!

I barely felt the needle going in for the first injection but there's a horrible tuggy sensation when you pull it out; kind of like taking out an earring or having stitches removed. I could've cried when I pulled it out after the first dose and saw it still said 25iu, meaning I'd not given myself the full dose. That meant I had to do it all over again!

I think it was because I didn't press the button down far enough. It kind of goes against all your natural instincts to push something sharp into your belly and then press down on the end of it. But I'm getting the hang of it now and even administered my second dose without Mr Click in the room!

I'm fairly confident with it now though and it just takes a couple of minutes to get it all set up. The photo above shows how I organise it all and usually I have Mr Click standing by with his phone to time me to make sure I'm giving myself the full dose.

I've not really noticed any massive side effects. I've had a couple of twinges in the general ovary area (for some reason it seems to happen soon after I do the jab, but in the opposite side to where I've injected and then the side I've injected into catches up after about fifteen or twenty minutes). I have also been rather more emotional; things that have made me cry, or at least well up slightly, have included people offering me sweets at work, forgetting to take a vitamin and watching the Olympic Opening Ceremony on DVD.

Today we have another scan to see how things are going. We were hoping that with my good AMH results that it wouldn't take too many days of stimulation to get me ready for the next stage. Fingers crossed!

Nuffield Appointment & Preparing For Injections

Normally I'd post my Project 52 photo post right now, but we've got family visiting so I've not really had time to get that organised. Instead I thought I'd use today and tomorrow to get caught up on where we're at with the IVF/ICSI.

At my last Nuffield appointment I was given the instruction to call on the first day of my next period to book an appointment for Cycle Day Three. I duly went away and waited and waited and waited for what seemed like the longest time ever. Of course it wasn't really that long but after dreading every period for almost four years actually looking forward to one was going to feel like a lifetime.

And it was slightly late which did not help matters at all. Though having spoken to people online I've discovered that it's not uncommon for your period to be a little shy after a Prostap injection.

After waiting a while to establish this was indeed what I'd been waiting for I called up and made our Day 3 appointment for last Wednesday.

As it was a little later in the day than previous appointments I made the decision to go into work for a couple of hours first thing; no sense using up holiday hours unnecessarily. This meant I missed a phone call from the hospital asking us about changing our appointment time but I got through when we were on the boat and arranged that if we could get there for 2:30pm we'd go for that but if not we'd go for the original time.

We did actually make it for the earlier appointment and didn't have long to wait before we were called through for our scan. This time we met a new nurse, G, who is pretty familiar with the island where we live so we chatted a while about the best restaurants and places to eat locally.

The scan was slightly more uncomfortable than the last one, which I put down to the time of the month rather than the nurse. Again, it was the scan that I had been most concerned about on this appointment because a Day 3 scan seemed kind of unpleasant.

It's never going to be the highlight of my calendar but it really wasn't as bad as I was expecting. The thickness of my womb lining was checked as well as my ovaries. My right ovary was hiding again but this time I was actually able to make out what G pointed to when she looked at my left ovary. That was pretty cool.

And with that all done it was time to get all cleaned up and get some blood taken before I learned how to give myself injections. I forget exactly what the blood test was for but the results would determine when I would start the injections.

As for the injections, I'd been given the choice between a solution which you had to mix up yourself before injection or one which came in a preloaded pen. As much as I enjoyed science at school, with something as big as this I wanted to leave as little room for error as possible, so I opted for the preloaded pen, known as Gonal-F.

I know plenty of women do just fine with making up the medication and injecting it, but the thought of doing something wrong scares me and I'm really grateful the Nuffield gives you a choice.

Before demonstrating how the pen worked, G asked who would be doing the injections. Without hesitating I said 'me!' I mean, I love Mr Click but if anyone's going to stab me with something sharp and pointy, it's going to be me.

 The pens really do seem to be foolproof and after a demonstration I felt pretty confident about doing it myself. We were given a snazzy bag for the boxes of pens and needles, and the sharps bucket, as well as a big A3 sheet with step-by-step instructions (including coloured blocks showing where to put the sharps bucket and needle). After restocking my metformin, we were good to go and just had to wait for a phone call to tell us when we could start the injections.

And I'll share more about how I got on with those tomorrow.

Nuffield Appointment: Down Regulation

Last Wednesday was my official start date for the IVF/ICSI treatment. We had to wait until Day 20 of my cycle when I was set to start taking the Metformin I'd been given at our last appointment, but on one of our phone calls they'd mentioned me going across for a scan as well on that day. I was quite pleased about actually going to the hospital because it meant I could confirm that what I thought I knew about taking the tablets was correct.

It was another early start (but only by about half an hour so I could walk Trouble before depositing her with my in-laws) and we went by public transport again. It's so easy to get to the Nuffield by train and taxi, plus Mr Click finds it a lot less stressful because he's not a fan of driving in Glasgow. I'm guessing that for some of the upcoming appointments (once we start the stimulation phase) we'll take our car because that'll be more comfortable, but for now this is working for us.

Despite catching a later ferry and giving ourselves more time in Glasgow Central for lunch, we still ended up at the hospital an hour before our appointment time. Waiting doesn't bother us because it's a nice waiting room; you can help yourself to tea and coffee (Mr Click is happy because he can get his decaf), they have newspapers and the news on the TV. But we didn't even have to wait that long because about fifteen minutes after we arrived our nurse came out to get us.

I feel back because I can't remember her name, but for the purposes of this blog we'll call her J.2. She introduced herself (and I promptly forgot her name) and said that it was a bit before our appointment time but she figured since we were there already we might as well go ahead and get it out the way.

I'd been a wee bit unclear about what the appointment was going to involve because I'd not made it, due to my working hours being roughly those of the hospital (and not wanting to ask for time to go and make personal calls) I'd left it to Mr Click to get it all organised. I understood that it was going to consist of a scan and an injection.

I was really dreading the scan. On our visit to the Nuffield Open Day in March we'd seen the examination room where these scans take place, so I'd seen what it involved. Basically, it's an internal scan (which I've seen referred to rather affectionately by other bloggers as the 'dildo-cam') which gives you some idea of where the probe has to go. I actually really wound myself up about it.

I really needn't have. Mr Click and I were shown into the examination room where J.2 explained what would be done. There's a little toilet/changing room off the examination room which you go into and undress from the waist down and put a gown over the top. Then you hop up onto the bed, stick your legs up on the rests, and the nurse does her thing with the scanner.

To be honest I barely felt it. Initially it was a bit cold but I've had more discomfort during smear tests. The one time when it was less comfortable was when J.2 was trying to find my right ovary. Your ovaries can move around and mine was feeling a bit shy about the attention it was getting so decided to hide. The scan was also to test the lining of my womb, which was as to be expected. Then that was it and I was free to put my clothes back on.

Then it was time to have the injection, so J.2 popped off to get it and we had an unexpected visit from J (the nurse we've seen for all of our previous appointments). It was lovely to have her stop by just to say hello and check we were doing okay. It just helps to make us feel like the staff at the Nuffield really care about us as people, rather than just as patients. Even knowing I have to get injections or scans when I go there, I still can't help but really look forward to each of our appointments.

The injection was worse than the scan, mainly because I was sat there waiting for the nurse to stick it in my arm, when she revealed that actually it went somewhere else. So I had to drop my trousers for it to go into a bum cheek! That was a bit sore, but not quite as sore as the taxi ride back to the train station where the driver hit every bump and pothole!

So that's me officially in the Down Regulation phase of the IVF. The injection was to turn off my natural cycle to get me ready for the Stimulation phase. It basically puts you into a mini-menopause so I can expect to experience hot flushes and things of that ilk. So far (touch wood) I've not had any really bad side effects.

The Metformin is a little more challenging. I'm on one tablet a night for seven days, then that ups to two tablets a night after that. I've had a bit of nausea, a lot of squirmy tummies and some headaches. I suspect that this has also caused the complete lack of appetite I've been experiencing, though that's probably not such a bad thing.

Aside from feeling pretty tired and those other small side effects I feel like I'm doing pretty well with this Down Regulation stage. Now I've just got to wait for my next period and then it'll be all systems go for the Stimulation stage. I've got to call the hospital and then go in on Day 3 for an injection and to be shown how to do my own injections. After three years of feeling crushed each time I get my period and hoping it doesn't show, I'm really looking forward to this one and hope it hurries up and arrives!

IVF Update

The last month has felt like one of the longest waits yet in our 'IVF Journey', this time we've been waiting for the go ahead to actually start. At my last Nuffield appointment I was drained of an armful of blood for various genetic tests, the final step in checking my suitability for the egg share programme.

Waiting for the results felt like forever. It wasn't actually that long, about three weeks, but it wasn't helped by the fact that I was trying to call for them in my lunch break at work. The time of that varies from day to day and I'd still need time to eat my sandwich after making a phone call which does make things tricky.

After trying several times and not getting through because it was busy or I wouldn't have time to talk or my phone signal kept disappearing, I just filled in the form on their Hope Fertility site and asked them to speak to Mr Click. Much easier!

As usual the staff were fantastic and if we had a question they didn't have the answer to they'd find it out for us. I think this chopping and changing of phone numbers is a little confusing for them though. Especially when, on the way home from work, I answered Mr Click's phone and happened to be the person they were actually looking to speak to.

So all the results came back normal and we've got to go in on my Day 20 for a scan and an injection. I've got my first lot of pills to start taking as well. It feels unreal how close to starting we finally are.

After a bit of thinking about it I also decided to order myself an IVF Hypnotherapy CD. Mr Click has used a relaxation one before and said it helped a bit, so after reading reviews and things I settled on one and I'll be giving it a go.

The one I've opted for has a track for each stage of the cycle and it's all about positive attitudes and visualisation. I figure it can't hurt and it's so important to make sure that you're in the right frame of mind with these things. I have a bit of a tendency to lie awake in bed at night thinking things over and over and over, or to wake early in the morning and not get to sleep for the things going round in my head. Hopefully this'll be useful in switching my brain off a little bit when it's needed.

I'll post a review here once I've tried out it.

Another Nuffield Appointment

Last Tuesday was our latest Nuffield appointment, this was partly a follow on appointment from our last one when we received our big pack of consent forms to fill in. It was actually three appointments in one as we also had a counselling appointment and I was getting some blood taken for some genetic testing as well.

All in all it was a very busy day!

We were there a wee bit early for our first appointment with the counsellor, M, so we were able to get checked in at the desk and then have a drink and a rest in the waiting room. We weren't quite as early as we had been for our last appointment so it was just a thirty minute wait this time.

I'll admit, I was a little bit unsure what the counsellor appointment would involve. It's silly because when I saw a counsellor in the past (unrelated to the IVF stuff) I did find it really helpful.

M was lovely. Although she works at the Nuffield, she's sort of separate so whatever you tell her is confidential between you and her (except if there's any serious cause for concern). Mr Click and I saw her together; we talked about how long we'd been trying for a baby, how we felt about the IVF, the egg share programme and some other stuff.

It was a really good session and I think it really helped that M asked us questions that we hadn't necessarily considered ourselves. Her service is free to anyone undergoing IVF treatment throughout the process as well as for period of time afterwards as well. I think it's a great thing and I don't think Mr Click or I would have any worries about arranging another appointment with her in the future.

Then it was back to the waiting room for another little wait for our next nurse consultation. We'd only been there a few minutes when J, the nurse we saw last time, came through for something else. It was lovely the way she acknowledged us and said hi, it wasn't long after that that she called us through (a little bit before our actual appointment time).

This was a much shorter appointment than the last one mainly because it was just going through all the forms we have to fill in. We'd looked through them all beforehand but it was still a bit time consuming because we checked our responses as we went along.

A lot of it was stuff that you wouldn't have really thought about, like what happens to any frozen eggs or embryos if you die. A little morbid perhaps but definitely something that needs to be considered. There were lots of things to sign as well to show you've read documents; I'm glad we'd been able to read over them all before we went because otherwise it would be been a much longer appointment and I doubt whether I would've taken everything in.

We also had our results from our local health centre who kindly did some of our blood tests for us. The hospital requires anyone undergoing IVF to be tested for STIs because of contamination risks during sample storage. Being asked to do a test for HIV and chlamydia wasn't something I took personally because I wasn't worried about having anything, but it was still very nice to get the all clear!

Getting the tests done ourselves did save us a little bit of money, but I should really note it was actually suggested by the nurse at our last appointment that we go this route as our GP had offered to do tests like these. I just love that they aren't pushing us to spend money if we don't need to, it makes you feel really cared for. And as we were able to produce lab copies of the results, it's all good.

I still needed a few more blood tests so I had quite a few vials of blood taken. I knew that they needed to run several genetic tests (for the egg share) but I was still a bit surprised when I realised all the little tubes in J's tray were for me!

I'm not really bothered by getting blood taken, so long as I can watch what's going on. It's probably silly but if you're going yo come near me with a big pointy thing, I like to be able to see what you're doing with it!

Of course I should mention that throughout this appointment J was lovely and we chatted loads again. I liked that we were seeing the same nurse, though it wouldn't have bothered me if we'd seen someone different. It's just been nice having that bit of continuity.

When the forms were filled and the blood taken I asked what happens next and we're pretty much just waiting for a phone call. Once we get that I'll be able to start taking the Metformin I need to take from Day 20 of the cycle before we start. I asked about picking that up and J said that normally you'd just call to arrange to pick it up before Day 20, but go save us a trip she went and got me what I'd need so we'd be ready to go once we got the call. It can take a little while for everything we're having done to fall into place but if it all falls into place quickly I could be taken those pills before the end of the month!

What I loved about the end of our appointment was that after she'd been away to get the pills, J came back in and sat down to chat some more before we wrapped everything up. On the way home Mr Click and I both commented on how nice it is not to feel rushed at any of our appointments. I'm sure we haven't been the only patients on any of our appointment days; but we've kind of felt like we are. As we said to M at our appointment with her, how a place makes you feel definitely plays a huge part in the process and we both definitely feel comfortable at the Nuffield.

So now all we have to do is wait, and we've been doing a lot of that over the last three and a half years, but somehow this wait at the moment isn't feeling so bad.

Nurse Appointment at Glasgow Nuffield

As I said yesterday, on Wednesday we took a trip into Glasgow for our appointment with the nurse at Glasgow Nuffield. When I found out the date for my exam at the beginning of the year I took off the day of the exam itself as well as the day before, just on the off chance that I wouldn't be able to sit it on the island and so I could stop the night before in Glasgow to save the stress of travelling there on the actual day. That way, if I didn't need to go to Glasgow I could use the day before as some last minute exam revision.

Then we needed to book our next appointment for the IVF stuff and that seemed like a good day to go. So much for last minute revision! The hospital was very helpful and scheduled both our joint appointment and Mr Click's test for the same day because they knew how far we had to travel (much better than when we went to the GRI and we were told that we couldn't go for our joint appointment until Mr Click had gone for his).

We decided to give it a go by public transport this time, rather than taking the car as we'd been off the island by car the week before for my eye appointment. As this appointment was unlikely to involve people sticking stuff in my eyes it seemed like the cheaper option.

Map from Google Maps

It was an early start (5:30am for the third day in a row!) and we arrived at Wemyss Bay with enough time for me to visit the secondhand bookshop before our train (I picked up a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird and The Book Thief). We had planned to take a later train but after a bit of last minute consideration we realised that the earlier one would give us more time to grab lunch in Glasgow before we headed out to Hyndland train station.

We'd looked up online and it told us it was about a fifteen minute walk from there to the hospital but we came out the wrong entrance and couldn't figure out where we were going, so called a taxi instead. At £5 each way it still works out cheaper than taking the car so we'll definitely try going by public transport whenever we're able to in the future. As we'd caught the earlier boat we got to the Nuffield at twelve; Mr Click's appointment was at 1pm so that gave us plenty of time to nip to the loo, have a drink and relax in the waiting room.

Obviously I didn't go into the room with him for his test, but he gave the hospital a big thumbs up. Considering at one of the hospitals he had to produce a sample for they didn't have a room so he had to do it in the toilets, the room the Nuffield has set aside is a big improvement! He said that the nurse was really helpful and reassuring.

We were reunited in the waiting room and then had our joint appointment at 2pm. From the letter I'd been sent I was expecting this to be a fairly quick appointment. We'd been told to bring our passports and passport photos (for our records) and that we would be given our consent forms to take away and look out before our next appointment. I figured we'd go in, hand stuff over, maybe answer a few questions and then be given some paperwork to take away.

I couldn't have been more wrong! Our nurse, J, was lovely. She was so friendly and welcoming and it didn't really feel the way that most medical appointments feel. We sat chatting about ourselves and where we came from before we got down to business which gave the whole thing a sort of relaxed feeling.

She had some information about what my drug protocol will involve based on the results of my AMH test. As mine was over 24 I've got a different regime to someone who might have had a lower level (and so would need greater stimulation). J went through all the stages of that treatment explaining what would happen, when I would need to visit and what would happen at the various appointments.

She also had all of our notes and so saw the letter from our GP which said that our local health centre could do some of the blood tests for us. Due to embryo storage (and obviously for the health and safety of the medical staff) we have to be tested for things like HIV and hepatitis so she said we could speak to our health centre to get those done, provided we could produce the lab copies of the results. I like that even though it's private treatment and we're paying for it, I don't feel like they're trying to make us spend extra money; they could so easily have said that we had to have them do the tests, even though we were prepared to have them done there if need be.

Because of the egg donation programme we have to have a few extra genetic tests which we'll get done at the Nuffield and while J was out getting some more information about those for us the embryologist came by to give us Mr Click's results. I wish I could remember her name, she was just as lovely as all of the other staff members we met, but it just went in one ear and out the other. Next time we go I will make more of an effort to remember who it is I'm speaking to so I can mention them properly.

I couldn't believe that they could have results from Mr Click's test so soon, it had only been about an hour since he'd produced it! She recommended that we might want to consider ICSI as opposed to IVF due to good content but low volume. Basically that differs from IVF in that rather than just putting the sperm and eggs into a petri dish to have a party, an individual sperm is selected and injected directly into the egg. She explained that this could increase the risk of genetic abnormalities by about 0.5% due to sperm being used which might not otherwise have succeeded in fertilising an egg, but it did also offer a slightly increased chance of fertilisation.

She said that it was entirely our choice and that we could make the final decision on the actual day if we wanted; some people have qualms about it for ethical reasons. Or that we could do half IVF and half ICSI if we wanted. Mr Click and I discussed it and we're happy to go ahead with the ICSI, at least that way we'll know that X number of eggs will have been introduced to a little swimmer, whereas IVF alone would be leaving things more to chance.

We went over lots of other things with J as well, and she explained that we should be able to get our next three appointments all on the same day. That'll be for my extra screening, the counsellor and then to go over all the consent forms. We have a massive stack to look over so that we can think of any questions before we go next, rather than being completely overwhelmed by questions when we're actually supposed to be there signing them. They all seem fairly straight-forward; things like what we would want doing with potential unused embryoes, whether we would consent to using them for research and things like that.

All in all we were in there for two hours! But it didn't really feel like that long, though J was very thorough and at no time did I feel like we were being rushed. Now that I've got all the paperwork it feels like this is something we can actually do and that's a very exciting thought indeed.

Now we've just got to get the blood tests done and get out next batch of appointments booked.

IVF Update: AMH Results

During our appointment at the Glasgow Nuffield on May 20th I had some blood taken for an AMH test. This is basically a test to check your ovarian reserves, which can give an indication of how you will respond to the IVF treatment. At our consultant appointment Dr L said it would also be used to determine what drug protocol I would be put onto.


In the past they used to rely on an FSH test which was done on the third day of a cycle which tested something different (to do with egg quality I think). The AMH test can be done at any time and is obviously quite useful.

I was told the results would take about a week to come back so on the Wednesday when I'd not heard anything I gave them a call. The staff at the Nuffield apologised that I'd not heard anything yet as the Bank Holiday had caused a bit of a delay in some test results.

An hour after my last call to them I got a message on my voicemail from Dr L. It's the loveliest little message and she says 'Your blood test results are... Good.' There's a little pause before she says 'good' and it sounds like she's smiling.

Of course by the time I got the message when I'd finished work it was too late to return the call. So I spent the evening Googling to see what a 'good' result was likely to be.

The next day I called up and found out the results: 37.6! Dr. Google (I know, I know) tells me that this figure is smack bang in the middle of the optimal range. The nurse did more or less confirm this for me when I called to check the results when; I said the doctor had said they were good and she replied that they were 'very good'.

I don't know exactly what this will mean for my treatment and things yet. We've got our next pair of appointments booked for just over a week's time.

I feel like this is a positive result for us and I'm quite looking forward to my next appointment. It's amazing to think that we're actually on our way to starting this whole process. Well, technically we've started it now!

Consultation at the Nuffield

I'll apologise in advance here because I suspect that in the next couple of months a lot of my posts are going to be about IVF stuff and I realise that might not interest everyone. I'm wanting to share my experience here though in the hopes that it'll be of some use to others going through the same thing.

On Monday I got up insanely early. Correction, I went to sleep insanely late and then woke up just a few hours later feeling really excited for the day ahead. After walking the dog and dropping her at my in-laws' we boarded the ferry and drove into Glasgow to the Nuffield hospital.

I mentioned the Nuffield during my A to Z Challenge after we went there for their Hope Fertility Clinic Open Day. It's a private hospital in the centre of Glasgow that deals with a number of procedures, one of which is IVF.




The place feels a little bit like a hotel when you go in. There's comfy seats in the waiting area, toilet doors that actually lock (hugely important to me after our experience at the Glasgow Royal Infirmary) and lots of friendly and helpful staff.

We arrived at about 9:40 for a 10am appointment which gave me plenty of time to have a little freak out in the toilet. I have myself a pep talk about how it was okay to be here, no one was judging me, that this would all be fine and then we headed to the waiting room.

Mr Click took advantage of the free drinks machine while I sat there feeling wibbly for fifteen minutes. Then the consultant came through. Funnily enough she's one of the doctors who our notes were forwarded to at the GRI.

I don't know why but I was expecting the consultant to be someone who was a bit aloof and stern but she wasn't at all! She came to the waiting area, introduced herself and we shook hands then we went through to her room.

And what a difference to our first appointment at the GRI! Whereas there I got the impression that we were just another file to have boxes ticked off on, at the Nuffield I felt like we were treated like real people. Before she asked us any questions she introduced herself and then asked us things like how we met and how we came to be in Scotland. It was lovely to feel like more than just a patient.

She asked us a few questions about the treatment we were seeking and was really impressed by how thorough our notes from our GP were (I love our GP!) I'd been worried about sending those along before our appointment but when I sent an email in the staff were really reassuring about just bringing them along and it was good to see how much attention the consultant paid to them. They're in our file now and we can check off several tests we otherwise would've needed.

She asked a few questions about ourselves and made some notes of her own. When they did this at the GRI it basically consisted of reading our notes to us like this 'you're 25?', 'you're taking Folic Acid?', 'you don't smoke?' This just felt more conversational and surprisingly relaxed.

Virtually one of the first things she said when we entered the room was that we'd come a long way, which was reassuring that she'd taken note of that before we'd arrived. It made it a lot easier to broad the subject of appointment times and difficulties we might have with early appointments due to ferry times. In fact I think it was the consultant herself who suggested we make our next appointments for Mr Click's test and my nurse appointment on the same day.

I feel like the Nuffield 'gets' the fact that we live on an island which removes a massive source of stress for us. This is a good thing because infertility is stressful enough without having to phone places and ask them to play musical appointments because you can't get there on time.

The consultant explained I would need to have an AMH test which is a blood test to determine my reserve of eggs. Basically, unlike men who keep on producing sperm, women have a finite number of eggs and so the quantity will determine which drug protocol I'll be put on. She arranged for that to be done right after our appointment with her.

She also gave us a brief overview of what the IVF would involve. Thanks to Dr. Google and various friends on fertility forums I had a pretty good idea of what this would involve but I was glad to hear how it works at the Nuffield. Obviously a lot will depend on the results of the blood test.

We also brought up the egg donation and she spoke to us about that too; like the treatment itself that'll depend on our test results but she was very reassuring. I was worried about being told it wouldn't be possible straight off so her response made me feel positive there too.

And then the consultation was over. We headed back to the waiting room and she headed off up the corridor to organise my blood test.

We only had to wait a few minutes before the nurse came to get me. And she was lovely too. She joked about feeling like a vampire because she's always taking blood but she was honestly one of the best people I've ever had take my blood. I barely felt a thing and there's only a tiny hint of a bruise at the puncture site (normally I bruise like a peach)!

We chatted about having awkward surnames and living in Scotland and giving blood; it was all so relaxed. And now we just have to wait for the results. The consultant will call in a week and from there we can arrange our nurse appointment and Mr Click's test.

I'm so glad that we've got the ball rolling with this. It was the nicest feeling in the world coming out of the hospital practically bouncing as opposed to our appointment at the GRI where I came out just wanting to cry. I really feel like this might be the start of good things to come!