And today we're onto Chapter 18 of New Moon, rather ominously titled 'The Funeral'.
Alice and Jacob come face to face and that goes about as well as could be expected. Also Edward believes Bella is dead, not helped by Jacob telling the vampire that Charlie was at a funeral without specifying whose it was. So now he's planning to go to Italy to top himself.
Thoughts as I read:
Well, this is obviously going to be about Harry Clearwater's funeral. It'd be really cool if during Harry's funeral he suddenly popped up as a vampire. Perhaps that would make this into a different sort of story, but I'd totally read that book.
At the end of the last chapter Jacob Black was knocking on the door, which caused Alice to get the hell out of there because of the whole vampire/werewolf thing. Bella confirms that it was definitely Jacob at the door.
Jacob's Rabbit idled by the curb with Jared behind the wheel and Embry in the passenger seat. I understand what this meant: they were afraid to let him come here alone. It made me sad, and a little annoyed. The Cullens weren't like that.
I quoted this entire paragraph mainly because I forgot that Jacob's car is a 'Rabbit' and for a moment I was wondering where this pet had come from and how I'd missed that. Rabbits are awesome.
Bella invites Jacob in after reassuring him that Alice definitely isn't there. When he hesitates she calls him 'Chicken'. Way to win friends and influence people, Bella. It does work to get him into the house though.
Suddenly I'm not such a fan of Jacob because he's being pretty snotty about Bella having had Alice round. My opinion of him is dropping because Alice is a much cooler person to hang out with than Bella. Seriously, he needs to be a little less hostile.
Jacob's unhappy at having to come to Bella's house, especially when it's been all tainted with the Aliceness, but he has to ask Bella some questions. So she fills him in on the fact that she doesn't know how long Alice will be there and that she's already filled the vampire in on the situation with Victoria.
Also he can't protect her any more since while there's a Cullen in the area, the weres can't trespass there. Bella has to tell him that the other vampires aren't coming back as well. I don't think that's entirely true though. I'm fairly certain that the others will show up sooner or later, there's another two books after this after all.
This whole exchange has taken the better part of four pages and really nothing much has happened. It's all a bit blah.
Bella's all wound up about whether or not Jacob will forgive her for hanging around with Alice. This girl needs to stop living for all the guys in her life and just do what makes her happy. Seriously?! I always thought people were joking when they complained about Bella in these books, but she's so spineless!
Anyway, Jacob hesitates before leaving, mainly because Bella is crying because 'wah, the boy I like doesn't like my friends'. He does apologise for breaking his promise to her which does do a little to repair my annoyance with him. At least he knows he's acting like a jerk. That does make him automatically higher than Edward in my book.
I think it's telling that when Bella asks Jacob to promise he'll still be her friend it takes him a minute to actually reply. He could've just walked away and this whole thing could've been over right now. Then he hugs her and complains that she smells.
It's a vampire smell, apparently. Perhaps Bella just needs a good shower and some strong deodorant.
Before he goes, Jacob does take a moment to hammer home the fact that if he got too close to Alice he'd probably kill her. That really wouldn't be a good thing. Personally I think they should get together, they're my favourite and second favourite characters in this series so far and I'd way rather read about them than Edward and Bella.
And then Jacob seems about to kiss Bella goodbye which send Bella off on a page long ramble about whether or not she wants this or is ready for this or whatever. I don't really care so I'm reading on.
Thankfully we're saved by the bell, er, ring of a phone. It's Bella's phone and yet Jacob answers it and I find that weird. Surely if you're in someone's house and the phone is ringing, you suggest to the person who lives there that they might want to answer it. Jacob, don't you go getting all Edweird on us now!
But he is getting a bit weird because he goes all menacing to the person on the other end of the line before hanging up on them.
It's okay because it was Carlisle Cullen. And Jacob told him the person he was looking for was at the funeral, so that must mean Carlisle was looking for Charlie. Perhaps he was going to tell him to send Alice home or warn her that the werewolves are getting a bit weird.
And things are getting a bit intense now because suddenly Alice shows up and is described as follows:
Her eyes were dazed and far away, her face drawn and whiter than bone. Her slim body trembled to an inner turmoil.
This sounds like when I used to write stories and look up every word in my Children's Thesaurus to find something better. 'Inner turmoil', heh.
We establish that the reason for her behaviour is something to do with Edweird, I mean Edward, and Bella does the most practical thing she can think of. She faints.
When she comes round Jacob is blaming Alice for Bella's fainting spell and I've not got a clue what's going on.
Alice gets on the phone trying to find out what's going on but we only get to hear her side of the conversation so we're not really any more enlightened. Whatever it is, Alice is shocked. This can only be good news then.
It would appear that the Carlisle on the phone wasn't actually the real Carlisle, which we might have known if Bella had answered the phone and recognised his voice. Actually it was Edward and the Cullens had been under the impression that Bella had killed herself, so now Edward's going to put two and two together and believe that Charlie was at his daughter's funeral rather than his friend's and suddenly this book has gotten interesting again because how awesome is that!
Of course, why would Jacob just be hanging out at Bella's house during her funeral? Surely Edward is smart enough to question this and realise perhaps he's missed something. Or y'know, he could've just asked 'whose funeral is Charlie at?' and solved a lot of heartache.
Bella's like 'it's cool, he'll call back' because apparently she regularly calls the homes of people she believes to be dead. Well, actually, she regularly hangs around with the undead so perhaps that's why she's confused by the prospect of someone being dead.
It's actually Alice who has to gently break it to her that Edward won't call back because as far as he's concerned, Bella is dead. Personally I think this is the best thing for all of them.
Except Edward's off to Italy, where he will inevitably provoke the Volturi who will then destroy him. And he doesn't have a phone? These vampires can travel super fast, can no one catch him up?
Also, this has been his plan all along? He would leave Bella, let her grow old at a distance and then off himself as soon as she croaked. That's a smart plan. He's as bad as Bella is!
Bella's response to this is that they are going to go to Italy. As you do. Everyone is surprisingly fine with this, Alice just tells her to write a note to Charlie. Saying what? 'Soz Dad, something's come up, gone to Italy.'
Actually, that's almost exactly what she writes:
Dad, I wrote. I'm with Alice. Edward's in trouble. You can ground me when I get back. I know it's a bad time. So sorry. Love you so much. Bella.
Jacob's under instruction to look after Charlie, regardless of what's going on with the treaty and Sam.
This next bit makes more sense to me now than it would've done had I been reading it a year or so ago. In the UK almost everyone has a passport (it might not be in date, but it's sort of expected that you have one), I didn't realise until a pen pal told me that it's not that common in America. So the fact that Bella is grateful her mum intended to get married in Mexico enabling Bella to have a passport makes sense here. Of course, Bella still has to get in a dig at her mum's complete incompetence because, why not?
Before Alice and Bella leave there's still time for Alice and Jacob to have a little snit. Bella breaks it off and they rush off but not before someone who may be Alice puts in an appearance.
As Alice stomped on the gas and - with the tires screeching like human screams - spun us around to face the road, I caught sight of a shred of white near the edge of the trees. A piece of a shoe.