Saturday, 19 March 2016

Film Review: The Battle of the Five Armies, Part 1

It's been a while coming, but I finally got around to watching The Battle of the Five Armies last weekend. It was fantastic to finally sit down and watch it because I've not watched the extended edition of this film since I got it for Christmas.

So, it's time to begin our final foray into Middle-earth, where things are not going well for the people of Laketown!

1. Time for The Battle of the Five Armies, or as Mr Click calls it (to annoy me) The Battle of the Five Barmies.

2. It's night time in Laketown. Everyone's realised that the dragon is on its way.

3. The Master has his priorities straight; the town is lost, but there's still time to save the gold.

4. Tauriel looks really pained about this turn of events.

5. I like how she is with Bard's children, she gives Tilda her doll. I wonder if she's ever encountered mortal children before.

6. Smaug makes his first pass over Laketown and it isn't pretty.

7. And oh look, there's Katie Jackson again.

8. Alfrid's careful to make sure that the boat doesn't get weighed down by any extra passengers.

9. I love how Bard almost takes out the Master without even trying. No wonder the Master of Laketown doesn't like him.

10. And Bard's got his bow so he's all set to go dragon hunting. Dangerous business when he's flying overhead setting fire to the buildings you're trying to stand on.

11. That's such a sad sight, seeing Laketown all on fire from a distance.

12. It's good that all the Dwarves are affected by it, apart from Thorin. It shows how much of an effect the dragon sickness is having on him. He's just beyong caring about anything else.

13. Meanwhile, back at Laketown, the dragon is still busy with his flame-throwing.

14. Incredibly the dragon has managed to take out most of the town apart from the tallest structure around.

15. I think standing under a big bell like that would give me a headache.

16. Bain's just realised that there's only one thing that'll save his dad; the black arrow.

17. It would've been nice of him to say something to his sisters, rather than just running off like that. Now the girls think they've lost their dad and their brother.

18. Bard wants his son to get out of the place while there's still time.

19. Unfortunately, there's no more time because Smaug's just taken out most of the tower.

20. Smaug should really know better than to taunt people. Villains never win once they start monologuing.

21. I'm never too sure about Bard using his son to shoot the dragon. I always think that he could end up injuring him either with the bow string or the arrow as it flies past.

22. If Laketown wasn't ruined before Bard hit the dragon, it definitely is ruined afterwards.

23. I kind of love the way the dragon's fire goes out.

24. And the 'oh shit' look on the Master's face as he realises there's a really big dragon about to land on him.

25. Yay! The dragon is dead!

26. Everyone's going to realise and then head to the mountain to grab a souvenir.

27. Oh yeah, I'd forgotten about Gandalf. Let's see what he's up to.

28. Still hanging out at Dol Guldor by the looks of things.

29. But it's okay. Galadriel seems to know where he is and help is being sent.

30. It's now morning and the Laketown survivors are trying to salvage what they can on the banks of the lake.

31. I like that Tauriel is still looking after the girls. I imagine if she was banished, she'd hang out with the Laketowners to help them get set up again.

32. I know I said I'm not big on the whole Dwarf/Elf relationship thing, but Kili and Tauriel do have some cute moments together.

33. How cool is it that she knows Legolas is standing right behind her? Also it sounds like she's going to cry. Poor Tauriel.

34. And now she looks like she's going to cry as well.

35. You tell him, woman yelling at Alfrid!

36. Yay! Bard survived! And so did Bain!

37. And now Bard's finally being recognised as a hero. Didn't see you all rushing to stand up for him when he was facing down the Master though, were you?!

38. Oh, shut up Alfrid.

39. One of the guys in the crowd in this scene looks an awful lot like one of the Gondorian soldiers in The Return of the King. I'm sure it's just a coincidence. And probably evidence that I've watched the Lord of the Rings films way too many times!

40. Bard's only been leader for a very short time, but he's doing a pretty good job of it.

41. The scenery the Dwarves are walking through looks a lot like the place I went walking a couple of weeks ago. Just with fewer gorse bushes!

42. Inside the mountain is looking like it needs a bit of a tidy up.

43. Turns out that Thorin is getting even crazier. Of course, instead of listening to Bilbo, Fili decides to head in to investigate.

44. And look at all the shiny shiny gold.

45. Thorin's got a kind of Hamlet thing going on here.

46. Bilbo's sneaked outside to go look at his shiny stone.

47. I always forget that in the last film it was left kind of ambiguous about whether or not Bilbo actually got the stone. This is for all the people who haven't read the book.

48. All the Laketowners are busy sorting out the stuff on the shore. Legolas is just standing there watching them. Way to go, Legolas.

49. Oh, not just watching them, offering helpful little hints to Bard about what's going to happen next.

50. And now we get to see what he fears may be coming. I'll give you a clue, there's a lot of them and most of them have their faces bolted together.

51. Bolg's having to tell his dad that he let the Dwarves get away. Azog's like, 'if you want a job doing properly, do it yourself'. Now they're off to war with the Dwarves.

52. Legolas has to fill in Tauriel on what he's seen. Another Elf's also just shown up to let Legolas know his dad wants him home, but Tauriel's not invited.

53. Legolas also basically tells her that he loves her. Bad move, mate, she's not feeling the same way about you.

And we'll finish up here, until next week, when Galadriel will get her gang together to get Gandalf out of a spot of bother.

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