So, I’d better stop waffling and get on with actually reviewing the chapter…
What Happens?
Violet, Klaus and Sunny go to Nero’s office first thing in the
morning to tell him that they suspect Olaf has entered the school. Nero
dismisses each of their suggestions of who Olaf might be; then Genghis shows up.
They try to get his disguise off but the plan fails and they are sent to
breakfast without any cutlery. Not to be deterred, the Quagmires start to help
them devise a new plan, but then the Baudelaires learn they are to see Genghis
that evening. Alone.
Thoughts as I read:
This chapter kicks off with three hands holding fried eggs and
it’s evidently not an easy task. I wasn’t sure who the hands belonged to
initially because they just seem to be generic hands, if you want to get really
pedantic about it you could argue that the top hand looks slightly more feminine
than the one beneath it. Thankfully the teeny tiny baby hand at the bottom of
the page clears up any mystery, these hands belong to the Baudelaires.
Ordinarily I would wonder why anyone was holding fried eggs with their bare
hands, but I think it’s safe to assume that they’ve broken a rule that has
rendered them cutleryless.
We jump back into the story with an explanation that Prufrock Prep
has been closed down for years. Can’t imagine why they would want to close such
a fine establishment which is obviously such a paradigm of juvenile education.
Apparently it wasn’t Nero’s bizarre behaviour that closed the school but Mrs
Bass robbing a bank. No school could survive a scandal like that!
The Baudelaires have made up their minds to go to visit Nero very
early in the morning in order to convince him Coach Genghis is a complete fraud
who is also, coincidentally, Count Olaf. Considering Genghis is the only one who
has expressed any sort of belief in Nero’s musical talents, it’s unlikely Nero
will believe them.
On the way there Klaus figures out that this visit means they
won’t be allowed any cutlery at their meals, something which he finds hilarious.
This leads Violet to wonder how they will eat their breakfast, and Sunny to tell
her “Oot” meaning “Trust me, it’s not that difficult.” They then speculate about
all the things that will be very difficult to eat without silverware, like
“Soup” as Sunny suggests. I’m wondering if in Sunny-speak this actually means
something like lasagne.
Luckily the children have not been cutleryless before. Violet
reminds them of a picnic to Rutabaga River where their father didn’t pack
everything that was needed and Sunny chimes in with “Sticky!” at the memory of
the meal. That’s two actual words in as many statements; I think our little
Sunny is growing up! It doesn’t last though, moments later she says “And I bit
rocks” but it comes out as “Eroos”. I like to think she’s trying to say
‘erosion’ here.
As always happens when the children reminisce about time spent
with their parents, the children find themselves lapsing into depression. We get
a sense of ‘Two Roads Diverged’ here as the children know that even if they
return to Rutabaga River, it’ll never really be the same place again because
they will never be the same people that they were back then. Aw.
Despite the early hour, Nero is already up practicing. You have to
admire his dedication, though I do think that even if he’s as bad as Snicket
says he is, he’d surely have improved simply from the amount of time he’s spent
scraping his bow up and down the strings! He is surprised at Violet and Klaus
arriving alongside Sunny and reminds them that they will be facing cutlery-free
meals as a result of this visit.
Klaus gets straight to the point and tells Nero he suspects Olaf
is in the school grounds. As expected, Nero dismisses his fear.
“Olaf is a master of disguise. He could be right under our
very noses and we wouldn’t know it.”
“The only thing under my nose,”
Nero said, “is my mouth, which is telling you to leave.”
And he dismisses their fear in such a reassuring way. But the
children persist, suggesting that existing staff members could be Olaf in
disguise. Each suggestion is pointedly rejected, though I do like the children’s
tactic, suggesting that people Nero knows definitely aren’t Olaf might make him
more inclined to consider someone who he doesn’t definitely know isn’t. Did that
sentence make sense? I’m sure you know what I mean.
Unfortunately this plan backfires. Nero starts naming students who
could be Count Olaf and then none other than Coach Genghis shows up and suggests
that he could be Count Olaf. As per their plan the Baudelaires have to
pretend that they have no idea who Genghis really is but they still take an
opportunity at goading Olaf to remove his disguise.
There’s quite a lot of fake laughter going on here, all ha ha
has and hee hee hees. Nero suggests the children should become
comedians which leads Sunny to shriek “Volasocks!” which I think I’m going to
start using as a curse word. It’s got a good sound to it. “Volasocks! I just
dropped the dinner!” or “He’s just talking a bunch of volasocks!” I dare you to
work it into conversation this week.
Violet and Klaus, still apparently joking, prepare to take off the
turban and running shoes which constitute Olaf’s disguise for this book and
that’s where it all stops being funny. Genghis has smelly feet and he wears a
turban for religious reasons. They’re denied and Sunny sums it up best when she
says “Drat!” which needs no translation. Genghis then changes the subject as he
gives Nero a rose (those two need to get a room) and the children are
dismissed.
Here’s a little moment where the illustration doesn’t quite match
what happens in the book, because the Baudelaires are served scrambled eggs. And
here’s where I feel I should elaborate on one of my weird little quirks. I
prefer to eat food with my fingers. I don’t think I would have any problem
eating scrambled eggs that way (except for maybe it burning my fingers if it was
very hot). I always eat salad with my fingers and I’ll happily eat noodles that
way if there’s no one around to tell me off. Clearly I’m just very poorly
civilised or something.
The Baudelaires are less impressed with the idea of finger food
but luckily the Quagmires are on hand to share their cutlery. Isadora shares
hers with Klaus and Duncan with Violet, though if it was me I’d say brothers
should share with sisters. I suppose doing it there way reduces the chances of
the Baudelaires getting caught with cutlery which might get them all into
trouble.
So they eat and pass cutlery between them and start trying to
think of another plan. Violet once again acts as translator to Sunny’s “Kosbal!”
which does not mean “I have a plan” as Isadora guesses, but actually “Here comes
Carmelita Spats” which is guaranteed to spoil anyone’s meal and certainly won’t
improve one when you’re being denied cutlery.
Things go downhill even quicker
when Carmelita announces a message from Genghis, telling the Baudelaires to meet
him on the front lawn that evening. Just a recap, this means they will have to
spent time alone with Olaf, and will miss the violin recital which means that
even if they survive the Olaf encounter they will still be punished. Tough
call.
And now they only have a day to figure out a plan. Uh oh.
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