Saturday, 15 October 2016

A Letter to my Someday Firstborn #BabyLoss Awareness Week

To my Darling Someday Firstborn,

Although you will always be my Firstborn, you will never be my First.

You might be the first baby whose heartbeat I will hear throbbing away below my own. The first baby I will ever feel kicking inside me. The first baby I will birth and hold and marvel at the fact that your father and I (and a team of highly skilled professionals) created your wonderful, amazing, tiny body.

But you are not my First.

Yours was not the first pregnancy test I ever took (not by a long way, I'm afraid). Yours wasn't even the first one to give me a positive result.

And that's why you're not my First.

You see, not all pregnancies have a happy ending, and unfortunately my First, like so many people around the world, did not.

My Firstborn, growing a baby is a little like burning a candle. Candles come in all shapes and sizes; you watch them, counting down the time until it's going to be over and you can move on to the next stage. But that little flame on the candle is as delicate and fragile as a tiny new life.

Sometimes candles don't stay alight for long.

We're plunged into darkness.

And that's why we have to remember what that light was like when it was still here.

So that is why, my precious Someday Child, on October the 15th thousands of people around the world light a candle at 7pm. It creates a wave of light around the world as people light candles and remember.

And that is why I light a candle at 7pm on October the 15th.

And I remember.

One day, my Someday Child, we will light that candle and I will tell you about the ones who came before you.

And we will remember together.

But until that day comes and you're here with me, sharing all those firsts right alongside of me, I'll wait and I'll remember and I'll share my story of my First with those who'll listen.

And hopefully those who are lighting a candle on October the 15th and remembering too will know they're not alone.

All my love,

From your Someday Mother.

Today is the final day of Baby Loss Awareness week, a week dedicated to raising awareness of pregnancy and baby loss. It aims to encourage people to share their own stories of loss to help bereaved families know that they are not alone in this.

Think of five families that you know. At least one of them has experienced a loss; latest statistics suggest 1 in 5 families in the UK have been affected.

So at 7pm (your local time) light a candle for the #waveoflight and if you have a story to share, break the taboo on speaking about this loss using the hashtags #babyloss and #breakthesilence.

And above all, if you're reading this and your arms are empty, know you're not alone.


  1. Beautifully, and movingly written.

  2. so important to share this

  3. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story. I am sure many others reading this post will find much comfort in your words. I have friends who now have children but suffered at least one major loss before they became the family they are today - my thoughts are with them and you and your husband.

  4. Really emotional writing. I don't really have any words *hugs*

  5. Have you heard of rainbow babies? Your rainbow baby is coming, someday.


Let me know what you think. :-)