Saturday 10 October 2015

Film Review: The Return of the King, Part 4

Time for the next part of The Return of the King. It's another long one because it's a very long film.


Last week Gandalf had Pippin engage in a little light arson in order to summon the Riders of Rohan, meanwhile Denethor was disappointed with his one living son, and Gollum got Frodo to kick Sam out their little trio. With the exception of the summoning of Rohan, it was pretty depressing.

134. Oh look, cameo from the Jackson children. And I'm sure on the commentary it mentions some other family members who you can see in the crowd.


135. The way they're throwing down flowers at the feet of the soldiers is like it's a funeral. Everyone knows they're going to their death.

136. Gandalf's insisting that Denethor loves him. He's got a funny way of showing it.

137. The sound of the gates opening sounds a lot like one of Treebeard's sighs. Maybe that's where the Entwives went? Gondor turned them into fixtures.

138. You know this is a serious battle because of the swelling music, the glimpses of the enemy and the fact that they're riding in slow motion.

139. I love Billy Boyd's song. Whenever I get to the bit where the words were taken from in the book (I think it's in The Fellowship of the Ring) I can't help but read it in time to this song. They couldn't have picked anyone better to sing the end song for the final Hobbit film.


140. Of course in the book, this is a much happier song. The way it's sung here and the context makes it so sad.

141. It's so different from the Green Dragon song and 'Hey Ho to the Bottle We Go'.

142. Aw, and Gandalf is sitting all alone and looking sad. He's all powerless to help at the moment.

143. Rohan's camping trip is going well. There's quite a few of them, just not quite enough.

144. Aragorn's being quite critical. I mean, I know he wants to save the kingdom he's due to take over, but Théoden didn't really have to help. He should be a little bit more grateful.


145. We'll be learning about the Paths of the Dead soon. The horses don't like to be near the entrance to it, but Aragorn seems drawn to it.

146. Merry nearly eviscerates Éowyn after she dresses him up in armour. She sounds a bit Australian when she speaks here as well.

147. Éowyn's a bit annoyed with her brother for laughing at Merry. She's so determined to go to war. Éomer should be nicer to his sister, he'll feel bad about it later if he doesn't.

148. I guess he just wants to look out for his little sister.

149. A mysterious rider has arrived at the camp and Aragorn is dreaming of Arwen. These two things appear to be connected.


150. Théoden's tent is really well furnished. It's more decorated than Edoras!

151. Future father-in-law has shown up with the new that Arwen is dying. Elrond's surprisingly calm about all of this. He knows about the Corsairs coming up the river to attack Minas Tirith and tells him that there is somewhere that he can go to get more men. There's a creepy wind that blows through the camp when the Paths of the Dead are mentioned.

152. Elrond's pretty awesome here as he presents Aragorn with Anduril. Aragorn's way of saying thank you is to practically chop off the end of Elrond's nose when he unsheathes it.

153. That is a really long sword. There's a joke to be made there. I'm not going to make it.

154. Perhaps Elrond is just trying to get rid of Aragorn so he can ship Arwen off to Valinor. He's like, 'go on, go to the Paths of the Dead, you know you want to'.


155. Éowyn's trying to talk him out of going. Aragorn has to talk her out of fancying him. Poor Éowyn.

156. Gimli catches Aragorn trying to sneak off. Legolas invites himself along on the trip as well.

157. Perhaps Aragorn should explain where he is going and why because all the whispers start as they leave. Clearly they think the battle is doomed and they're off on a suicide mission. At least Théoden seems to understand why he has to go.

158. Théoden is really a cool old man. He knows they don't stand a chance against Mordor, 'but we will meet them in battle nonetheless.'

159. Éowyn's just a sad shell now she knows she won't get it on with Aragorn. Théoden's being all nice to her. I wish they had more time together, it's all Gríma's fault.


160. If you watch the rock formations that Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli walk past in the background they go past the same ones a couple of times.

161. While I've been watching the background, Legolas has been telling Gimli (and the viewers) that the people in the mountain were cursed for not going into battle and only Aragorn can call them to fulfil their obligations.

162. The music is all creepy so we know that this isn't going to be a fun excursion. As they wait outside the entrance there's another creepy gust of wind and the horses take off.

163. It's just as well Aragorn has his sword in his hand because it looks like the horse has gone off with his scabbard.

164. Gimli has to talk himself into going undergrown, especially as Legolas went in without complaint.


165. Éowyn's not the only one being ordered to stay behind. Théoden doesn't want Merry to go with him. Luckily a stranger rides by and lifts him up on the horse in front of them.

166. If Éowyn is heading off to battle, who is ruling the people of Rohan while she's away. If the battle had gone really badly would she have just left the people she was supposed to lead to face invasion without anyone in charge? I wonder if she's like Queen Amidala and she has a bunch of lookalike handmaidens or something.

167. Legolas is seeing things as they journey underground. Gimli's freaked out by this because he can't see anything. I'd be freaked out too if someone told me the dead were following me!

168. And now they've walked into some low fog. Low fog from which creepy skeletal ghostly hands keep stretching up. Gimli's technique is to blow them away. If he keeps huffing and puffing like that he's going to hyperventilate.

169. As if this place couldn't get any worse, they've got to walk across a carpet of skulls which fracture and break beneath their place. It's a bit of a fixer upper.


170. The Leader of the Dead meets them in a big hall. He reminds me of the ghost in The Frighteners who kept losing his jaw. It's clever the way that he seems to vary between looking like a skeleton and looking like a desiccated corpse.

171. The trio is surrounded by ghosts as their leader tells Aragorn that the only person who can summon them is the King of Gondor. So Aragorn casually puts up his sword and points out that he is the King.

172. Aragorn is so awesome that he can grab ghosts by their throats. Mordor doesn't stand a chance.

173. The Dead don't agree either way. Instead they all disappear and then an avalanche of skulls is unleashed. Are all of those skulls from people who retreated to the mountains instead of fighting? There were an awful lot of them.

174. For a moment it looks as though the trio are going to be buried alive, but they make it out, in prime position to see settlements burning and the Corsairs making their way up the river.


175. Aragorn's upset so Legolas offers a comforting hand on his shoulder. It's all very sad.

176. Then the leader of the Dead shows up and announces 'We fight'. And we know things are going to be okay.

177. Except they're not so okay in Gondor since Faramir's horse has just come back dragging a badly wounded Faramir behind him. What is it about Denethor's sons and Orcs using them for arrow target practice?

178. The Orcs outside are unleashing a bout of psychological warfare on the inhabitants of Minas Tirith. They're throwing heads of Gondor's soldiers into the city. Nice.

179. Denethor's pretty much lost it now. He's convinced Faramir is dead, that Théoden isn't coming (which is rich considering he didn't want to light the beacons to ask for help), and he starts telling everyone to run away.


180. Luckily Gandalf is there with his staff to beat some sense into the Steward.

181. What he should really have done there is locked Denethor up somewhere that he couldn't do any harm and then taken over the city. Instead he's taken over command but left Denethor nursing his bumps so he can do what he wants with his severely injured son.

182. Poor Pippin is running around trying to follow his company whilst the whole city is under siege.
We'll leave Pippin where he is because he's kind of falling behind and I think he might need a week or so to catch up.

Next week'll be pretty much all fighting because there's a lot of battles going on in Gondor. Or rather, it's the same battle but in lots of different places.

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