As you probably guessed from yesterday's post, little 5BB didn't stick around.
At the tail end of the previous week I was feeling cramping and other strange
but promising symptoms. Then last Sunday they all seemed to fizzle out. And my
fertility bracelet broke. I'm not hugely superstitious (though we have had to
park in the same parking space each time we've gone to the hospital because,
y'know) but that seemed like the universe was sending me some sort of pretty big
I felt naked all day without the weight of it on my wrist, even though Mr
Click got straight online and ordered me another, but from that point on I
started feeling less like it had worked. I still had all the side effects of the
progesterone (read: needing to pee every. damn. hour!) but there was nothing
that made me feel like I might be ever so slightly pregnant.
By Monday I was starting to feel like my period was coming and at one point
at work I thought I had a bit of spotting. There was a little more that evening.
Then Tuesday morning my period basically started.
Lots of optimistic people told me that brown spotting is a good thing, that
some women have periods right the way through an otherwise normal pregnancy,
that there's no point worrying until you've done a test. Well I did the test, as
required by the hospital, on Wednesday morning and as expected it was negative.
This was no surprise to me by this point.
I'm disappointed that little 5BB didn't take. I'd grown attached to the
little blob. I've run a whole gamut of emotions since Tuesday last week;
everything from anger through to acceptance. I'm thinking that if it didn't
work, there's obviously some reason, and hopefully the embryo that is destined
to be our child is still waiting for transfer.
So now what?
Well, I've got to speak to the hospital. We'll have an appointment with them
and see if there was anything that went especially wrong (my main query is about
starting my period while on progesterone, which is supposed to stop that from
happening). And then work out what we'll do next, and when.
We're in the lucky position of having three frozen embryos. I'm holding out
hope that perhaps we'll get luckier with Olaf, after all, this time we got two
steps further than last time; perhaps next time we might make it far enough to
see a heartbeat on a scan.
Until then, we wait. We're pretty good at that now.