Saturday, 2 April 2016

Film Review: The Battle of the Five Armies, Part 3

This week we're hitting the halfway point of The Battle of the Five Armies, the third instalment of the Hobbit trilogy.

Last week negotiations between Thorin and the others broke down but it's okay because Gandalf is feeling better and has come to visit Dale.

100. And now Gandalf's arrived in Dale. He looks a little surprised to see the Elves there.

101. Kudos to Alfrid for calling Gandalf 'pointy hat'.

102. "Who's in charge here?!" That would be Bard.

103. Time for a mini council. You know this would go better if Elrond was there.

104. Thranduil's like, eh, 'snot really going to affect us, is it?

105. I always forget, are the wereworm things actually in the book?

106. The war bats kind of remind me of the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz.

107. Somehow, I don't think Legolas and Tauriel are going to be able to take on all these orcs by themselves.

108. I love this little bit between Bofur and Bilbo. I think it's an extra scene. I like the way that it hearkens back to the first film when Bilbo was getting ready to leave. It's almost like Bofur knows that Bilbo is planning on going somewhere.

109. Abseiling Hobbit! I like to imagine Bilbo came back from his adventure with a whole host of new hobbies to share with the youngsters of the Shire.

110. Thranduil's current attitude towards Gandalf; you started this, I'm finishing it. And he's killing anything moving on the mountain. This is going to end well.

111. Slightly awkward introduction to Thranduil there Bilbo. How did Thranduil actually know that Bilbo stole the keys?

112. Gandalf's looking all proud of his Hobbit.

113. And now he has a few home truths for Bilbo. Thorin's not going to be Bilbo's friend any more.

114. He's also figured out that Bilbo has no plans to actually hang around in Dale now that he's completed his mission.

115. I love the way the Elves part to let people through. Everything about them is so fancy, even stepping out the way for your boss.

116. Oh look. No Hobbit. Well done, Alfrid.

117. "What payment? You have nothing!" Well, actually...

118. And now it's time for Bilbo's confession.

119. Thorin does not look pleased.

120. Bombur looks like he's trying to be somewhere else right now.

121. Is Gloin's helmet the one Gimli wears in The Lord of the Rings? It looks really similar if it isn't. I like the idea of Gloin passing his helmet on to his son.

122. I'm impressed that when Thorin tells the other Dwarves to throw Bilbo off the ramparts, none of them actually do it. And when he lets him down, it's Bofur who tells Bilbo to go.

123. Thorin really sounds like a sulky teenager.

124. Ecthelion of Gondor, that would be Denethor's daddy. I love those little touches like this.

125. For a moment it looks like Thorin might actually chose the right option here. If that crow hadn't shown up just then.

126. Oh look! Here comes Billy Connolly! Uh, I mean Dain!

127. The goats and pig kind of look like some of the animals who live next door to my Mum.

128. Gandalf gives us a little exposition about who the new guy is; he's Thorin's cousin, though Gandalf's always thought Thorin was the more reasonable of the pair.

129. I love that Billy Connolly is basically playing himself, just as a Dwalf.

130. Which reminds me, I really need to watch the special features and commentary. I want to see what Billy Connolly thought of his costume.

131. After a few minutes of exchanging insults it's time for Billy Connolly to send in the goats. He also has some sort of weapon he calls a 'twirly whirly' which is like a spear with a spinning bit on the end. It's not pretty when it hits and arrows don't stop them.

132. And so begins the battle. And you know how I am when it comes to writing about battle scenes.

133. Though it does stop for a moment when the wereworms show up. Those things are ridiculously large. They wouldn't look out of place in Peter Jackson's King Kong.

134. Dain's "Oh come on!" sums it up pretty well.

135. And so the Dwarves decide to change who they're fighting and abandon the battle against the Elves in favour of attacking the big ugly army coming towards them.

136. Thorin's not keen on his gang joining them though. Funnily enough, Thranduil's guys aren't either.

137. Until they suddenly appear over the backs of the Dwarves forming a protective wall with their shields. Way to go guys! That's teamwork.

138. But Azog's still got more to hit them with. Some sort of troll!

139. The trolls really do a number of the Dwarves and their chariots.

140. And then the instruction comes for the rest of the enemy forces to attack Dale. The good guys really need to work together a little more.

141. Bard's leading his troops, along with Gandalf and Bilbo back to Dale to protect the people there.

142. We've not seen them for a while but we can only assume that Thorin and the gang are watching the scenes below and waiting for them to wipe themselves out so they own the gold uncontested.

143. I do like the troll battering ram. I love that it collapses after smashing a hole in the wall.

144. Bard's still not quite got the leadership thing mastered, he's arrived back in the town, but is too busy looking for his children to do too much.

145. I'm wondering who the kid with the red hat on is, he seems to get quite a bit of screen time in these scenes; he must be related to one of the movie makers. Don't think he's Billy Jackson though.

146. Bain's not a bad fighter considering he's never done it before.

147. Well done, children. Distracting your father in a battle.

148. And now he has to rescue them from the big ugly troll because they don't think to run away from it.

149. Lucky he judged that right, otherwise he might have solved the problem of his kids being beaten up by a troll by killing off his offspring.

And what's up next week?

Well, from here it doesn't look as though the battle is going too well.

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