Saturday, 9 April 2016

Film Review: The Battle of the Five Armies, Part 4

We have almost reached the end of the final Hobbit film, The Battle of the Five Armies. Last week the battle really picked up with giant wereworms showing up at roughly the same time as Thorin's cousin, Dain.

This week, Thorin realises that they really can't be doing without him and perhaps the time has come to lend a hand.

150. Back on the battlefield, Dain's doing a fair job.

151. It's now snowing and Dale is on fire.

152. Bard is a bit daft if he thinks that Alfrid is actually going to see the women and children to the Great Hall and then go back to fight himself.

153. "Out of my way! Abandon the cripples!" That's the spirit, Alfrid.

154. Poor reindeer.

155. Now Thranduil has to get his hands dirty.

156. You know it's a serious battle because the music gets louder and the sound of the battle gets quiet while we get a battle montage.

157. And now it's Dain's piggle's turn to get taken out.

158. And Dain doesn't know where Thorin is, uh, hiding in his mountain, mate.

159. Now for some clips of dead people and dying Elves. Just so you know how bad things are. We see Gandalf fighting, but what about Bilbo?

160. Back to the Mountain.

161. Thorin's making no plans to go anywhere, even though Dwalin is practically begging him to let them go out and join the battle.

162. Thorin's not having any of it, he's all about the gold now.

163. Dwalin basically tells Thorin that he's not his king anymore. Thorin reacts in a sensible, rational manner; Dwalin's pretty much expelled from Erebor. Let's face it, that's kind of what he wanted anyway.

164. And Thorin's in the golden hall where they attacked the dragon. He's hearing voices and hallucinating a dragon swimming beneath the gold.

165. Then he gets swallowed up by the gold. This is obviously his important turning point.

166. Back to the battle. Dain's not doing so well.

167. Azog's pretty certain he's got this wrapped up.

168. The Dwarves are still moping about in the Mountain. If I was them, and that desperate for battle, I think I'd just leave by now.

169. Poor Kili, he's obviously rehearsed this speech and now Thorin's just strolling out being all kingly and noble again.

170. Looks like they're going out to fight then.

171. Better try and find Bilbo so you can apologise to him as well, especially as not that long ago you were trying to kill him.

172. The Dwarves outside are pretty much backed up against a wall.

173. It's really lucky that they don't kill any of Dain's Dwarves when they knock down the wall that they made.

174. I love that the battle was being lost, but now these thirteen Dwarves have charged out and now the tables are turning. Thorin must be some guy.

175. I quite like the little scenes they've added of Thorin's guys fighting. They're nice little nods to the characters we've come to know.

176. Travelling axe!

177. A blind troll with metal limbs does not seem like a safe weapon or mode of transport.

178. Bofur seems to have realised this also.

179. Looks like he's getting the hang of it now.

180. And in Dale the battle continues.

181. The woman who shouted at Alfrid earlier is rallying the women, children and old men to fight as well.

182. Alfrid is brave because he's wearing a corset. And he's found some gold, so he clearly has a new plan.

183. I like the little conversation between Dain and Thorin while they fight. Especially the way that they don't even break stride.

184. Apparently no one other than Thorin had the idea of kill Azog to end the battle.

185. At least he's not going it alone. He's taking his best men with him (which we only get to see in the Extended Edition, in the theatrical version they just ride up there on goats, now we see how they got the goats up there).

186. Turns out that goat pulled carts don't do so well on ice, especially when it's being smashed up by an angry troll.

187. Luckily Bofur's there with his troll to take out the other one, until his sinks.

188. The cart has the Middle-earth equivalent of a machine gun on it, except it's made of wood and fires arrows.

189. Oh dear, they've lost a goat.

190. And Dwalin's realised they're too heavy to get away.

191. Balin's getting his Big Hero moment as he tells them to go on without him, and take the goats.

192. I love that as he's shooting the wargs he says "I. Am. Too. Old. For. This."

193. Alfrid's still in his woman's outfit, though he's rather more well-endowed than before, though his corset's spilling gold.

194. Bard doesn't care that he gave up the chance of being Master, because he has his kids, aww.

195. Gandalf's not having much luck with his new staff. Hopefully he'll be able to get it tuned up in case he ever needs to, I don't know, do battle against a Balrog or something.

196. Alfrid's found himself in a catapult and his own greed is his undoing. What a way to go, being choked on by a troll.

197. Bilbo's shown up again, just in time to see Thorin and his back up riding up Ravenhill.

198. Azog's spotted the goat riders and I suspect that this is what he's been waiting for Thorin to do.

199. And their not on goat-back any more. Time for some hand-to-hand combat.

200. Legolas and Tauriel have shown up, and they haven't got good news. Bolg is coming.

201. And they're heading for Ravenhill. Great, they'll be able to take out most of the Dwarf royal family.

202. Kili thinks Azog has fled. That's just what he wants you to think.

203. Thorin's sending Fili and Kili to their deaths. I mean, to scout out the area.

204. Time for Thranduil to look pained about the number of his fallen fighters.

205. He's had enough. He's off.

206. Bilbo's volunteering for the suicide mission up to Ravenhill to warn the others. That's actually one thing I'm glad that they did change from the book, I always wanted to know what was going on in the battle when Bilbo was unconscious after being bopped on the head.

207. I do kind of like Tauriel standing up to Thranduil. He's clearly needed someone to stand up to him for once.

208. Thranduil doesn't really take kindly to someone standing up to him though.

209. Luckily Legolas is willing to stand up to his dad.

And we'll leave the two of them posturing until next week when things get very, very sad. Get your tissues ready.

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