What Happens?
Count Olaf reveals that he and Violet are now legally married. Justice Strauss is very upset to learn that she has been tricked. Violet then explains that as she signed the marriage document with her left hand the marriage is actually null and void. Justice Strauss concurs with Violet, so Count Olaf’s plan has failed. Justice Strauss then offers to take on the care of the children. In the following series of unfortunate events Count Olaf and his crew escape and Mr Poe declares that the children must live with a relation, so they are taken away, uncertain of what the future will hold for them.
Thoughts as I read:
This chapter opens with a sketch in a circular frame showing a pair of hands holding a bouquet. Although it is not clear whether these hands are left- or right-handed, there is a ring on the ring finger of the left hand so I’m going to assume that they belong to Violet.
We pick up immediately where we left off. Count Olaf totally breaks the fourth wall, turning to the audience to tell them that he is now officially and legally married to Violet. Everyone is suitably shocked by this information. Count Olaf outlines the criteria to be legally married: she said ‘I do’ in front of Justice Strauss, there were witnesses, he was her legal guardian at the time and he gave consent for her to be married.
Olaf has thought this through quite well actually. When Justice Strauss tells him that the document Violet signed is just a prop he reveals that it’s the genuine article. Justice Strauss realises what has happened. The situation is hopeless, as Violet’s husband Olaf now has complete control of Violet’s money.
There’s a brilliant bit here where Mr Poe jumps up to object:
“This is dreadful nonsense.”
"I’m afraid this dreadful nonsense is the law,” Justice Strauss said.
"I’m afraid this dreadful nonsense is the law,” Justice Strauss said.
That sentence could be applied to all manner of things relating to
the law.
Justice Strauss is upset at having been used, telling the
Baudelaires that she never would’ve done anything to hurt the children. Fat lot
of use that is now, they did try to warn her not to follow the script
exactly.
Then we get a little bit more of the Ew Factor:
“Now, if all of you will excuse me, my bride and I need to
go home for our wedding night.”
Just no! That’s totally wrong! Olaf has basically just implied
that he needs to consummate his marriage to Violet.
At least Olaf does stick to his word and releases Sunny,
thankfully not straight down from the top of the tower. He needs her in one
piece to help Klaus complete his chores. It’s going to take a bit longer to get
everything done now he’s one child down. Well, that and the fact that despite
being happy to announce to everyone that he’s married his underage ward, Olaf
isn’t in any hurry to let anyone see him ‘take care of’ the two younger
Baudelaires.
Mr Poe, thankfully, takes this new turn of events seriously. He’s
not impressed by Olaf’s behaviour, particularly his declaration that the
following day he intends to head to the bank and collect the entire Baudelaire
fortune.
All hope looks lost until Violet pipes up suggesting that perhaps
the marriage isn’t entirely legal. Remember all those little reminders about how
Violet was right-handed, and then that little disarming line at the end of
Chapter 11 when Violet signed with her left-hand. It’s not a typo at all. She
did it on purpose!
It’s clever the way that it all hinges on the wording. Violet had
to sign using her ‘own hand’ (I suppose ‘right hand’ would’ve been too obvious).
Everyone present saw her signing and so is happy to accept that the terms have
been fulfilled, however Violet interprets this as meaning her dominant hand.
Olaf claims Violet is lying, but apparently Klaus is reading along with us (or
maybe he was narrating the last chapter) because he spotted Violet’s left hand
trembling as she signed.
Despite having plenty of witnesses, Olaf isn’t keen to believe
what Violet says. First he says she can’t prove what she is claiming, then
shooting her down by suggesting that it doesn’t matter which hand she used; the
fact is, she signed it and that’s all he needed. It comes down to Justice
Strauss to make the final decision. Of course she comes to the conclusion that
the marriage is not legal. I can’t help but wonder if this is a valid
interpretation of the law wherever this is set, or if she’s just saying that to
save Violet.
The narrator takes this opportunity to point out how weird laws
can be. Apparently there’s a law in a European country that states all bread
must be sold at the same price (way to make competition that little bit harder),
an island with a law that says its fruit must not be removed, and another town
(which is apparently not far away from where I live) which bans Snicket from
going within five miles of its borders. I love these little bits in these books.
I’m sure that sometimes they give bits of information that link to future
books.
Olaf decides to give up all pretence of being a nice guy putting
on an entertaining play. He attempts to threaten Sunny using the walkie-talkie
and we hear Sunny saying ‘Neepo!’ (no definition given, but I’m guessing it’s
something like ‘I’m here!’) as she heads onto the stage. Luckily she’s been set
free. I love that when Violet asks for something for her little sister to eat
Sunny says ‘Cake!’ which I think is the second time she’s come out with a
relevant word for the situation. Also, if I’d spent the last day dangling in a
birdcage from the top of a tall tower I’d want cake too!
Count Olaf decides thinks that despite his behaviour he’s still
going to be allowed to remain the guardian of the Baudelaires but thankfully Mr
Poe is on the ball this time. Olaf argues that there’s nothing illegal about
trying to marry someone (though his behaviour in coercing the girl into marrying
him does call this statement into question). Thankfully Justice Strauss steps in
to point out that hanging small children out of windows is somewhat illegal
(Klaus could also use this as an opportunity to revisit the bruise that Mr Poe
ignored last time he brought it up). Justice Strauss also wants to take on
responsibility for the children. Aww.
Various people call out from the audience, including some comment
about wanting money back because the play wasn’t very good. Hehe. We don’t get
to hear any more about this though because Mr Poe decides to engage in a
citizen’s arrest.
Everything seems to be looking up at last. Justice Strauss is
serious about adopting the children. Klaus asks if they can use the library
every day, Violet asks to work in the garden, Sunny calls out ‘Cake!’ which
makes everyone laugh. It seems like everything is going to be sunshine and roses
from here on out.
But we know that’s not going to be the case.
At this point we get an interjection from the narrator to crush
all our hopes, after all, we’ve got another twelve books to go so to give the
children a happy ending at this point probably wouldn’t help sales much. The
narrator suggests that if you want to believe that the children do in fact live
happily ever after, you should stop reading now. But I’m dedicated to this
little blog challenge I’ve set myself, so I’m going to keep on going, no matter
how depressing things are going to get.
While we’re all distracted, someone has sneaked to the light
controls for the theatre and turned them all off. As people are wont to do when
all the lights go out, they start screaming and tripping over things. Violet
keeps her head and goes to switch the lights back on, but not before being
threatened by a sinister voice which presumably belongs to Count Olaf. In the
confusion Mr Poe has grabbed his wife, thinking she’s Olaf, inadvertently
letting the bad guy get away.
Oh, and along with Olaf, all his henchmen (and women) have gone
too. I’m guessing this was a bit of a backup plan for them, so they knew they
could escape if everything went pear-shaped. Then again, Olaf’s pretty arrogant
and probably didn’t expect his plan to fail so perhaps this just lucky chance,
or rather an unfortunate event for the children, which allowed him to get away.
Whatever happened, they’ve all gone, and even with the police after them, the
kids don’t have much hope for them being caught.
And then things get just a little bit worse.
Justice Strauss isn’t allowed to take the children in because she
isn’t a relative. Honestly, Mr Poe is hopeless. Someone is right there, willing
to love, care for and support three children who have had a pretty crappy time
of things recently, and doesn’t even care about getting her hands on their
fortune, but she’s no good because she’s not related to them. Never mind the
fact that a) No other relatives have come forward for the children since their
parents died, and b) Mr Poe’s first choice for a guardian wasn’t exactly stellar
based on his interpretation of the rules for guardianship left by the Baudelaire
parents. As a result of this the children are forced to say goodbye to the one
person who has actually shown any sign of caring about them in over 160
pages.
I’m slightly irrationally angry about this.
They didn’t understand is, but like so many unfortunate
events in life, just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t
so.
And so the book ends as the children are whisked away from Justice
Strauss, a scene which is pictured in a little sketch on the following page, as
they head for some new and unknown future relative. Oh, and the picture includes
a little clue to the next book; wrapped around a lamppost is a snake, watching
the children leave. Like so much of this series, it’s delightfully random.
The book doesn’t quite end there though. We have the little
cryptic biography piece about Lemony Snicket as well as one about illustrator
Brett Helquist. Then there’s a page I’d completely forgotten about, until I
picked up the book and flicked through the final pages ready to return it to the
bookshelf.
The final page is a letter to the editor from Snicket, writing
from the ‘London branch of the Herpetological Society’. It provides a little bit
more information about what we can expect in the next book, without actually
giving anything away, aside from the fact that something tragic will happen to
Dr. Montgomery Montgomery while he cares for the Baudelaires.
I remember studying these final bits of the books each time a new
one was due to come out (or while I waited for the next unread one to arrive).
Obviously, now we know that the next one is going to be The Reptile
Room but I can still remember the excitement and anticipation of wondering
what was to come next.
Luckily we don’t need to wait long!
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