#atozchallenge Letters to my Embryos: X is for Xander

Welcome to Day 24 of the A to Z Challenge, an April blogging challenge where you aim post every day during the month following the letters of the alphabet (with every Sunday bar the last one off).

In the past I've used the challenge to blog about my infertility and the IVF process. I'm following a similar theme this year as we wait to begin the process for a Frozen Embryo Transfer, having completed a Freeze All IVF cycle in February.

We currently have nine embryos sitting on ice, my little bubbles, and this April I am blogging to them about the process of how they came to be.

Dear Bubbles,

What is your name?

I guess you might think it's weird that I don't know your name considering I've been writing all these letters to you. It might seem weirder considering that I'm writing this letters after having trying to conceive you for over nine years. You might expect me to have your name already picked out.

And the truth is, nine years ago, we did have your names picked out. A boy would have been Jack, a girl would have been Elanor.

The problem is, time changes a lot of things, including your opinions and your associations. Had you been born eight and a bit years ago, we would have given you those names and been happy. Any other opinions or associations that might have formed in the following years wouldn't have affected us in the same way because you would have been our Jack or Elanor.

But you weren't here and so we didn't have as strong a tie to those names. So we moved on.

That's not to say that I don't have a list. It's a game your father and I sometimes play, throwing out names, updating or mooting candidates for our mental lists.

And you have 'Embryo Names'. Because in the absence of someone to name, we cheerfully grab any opportunity we can to name something. Since there are nine of you, you each have a name beginning with a letter in the word 'snowflake' (since you're frozen, after all). We picked names which have strong or positive meanings, or which have positive associations for us. Well, it seems kind of impersonal not to give you some sort of name while we wait to find out if you've stuck around.

As for the names currently at the top of my list. Well, Alexander has been up there for the last couple of years; nickname Xander, of course.

It'll be interesting to find out what we decide to go with when you show up in person.

All my love,

Your Mum.