#atozchallenge Letter to my Embryos: R is for Rainbows

Welcome to Day 18 of the A to Z Challenge, an April blogging challenge where you aim post every day during the month following the letters of the alphabet (with every Sunday bar the last one off).

In the past I've used the challenge to blog about my infertility and the IVF process. I'm following a similar theme this year as we wait to begin the process for a Frozen Embryo Transfer, having completed a Freeze All IVF cycle in February.

We currently have nine embryos sitting on ice, my little bubbles, and this April I am blogging to them about the process of how they came to be.

Dear Bubbles,

You are probably fully aware that I have a bit of a thing for rainbows. I like to point them out when I see one, whether it's on TV, on someone's T-shirt when we're walking down the street, or an actual real life rainbow in its natural habitat. I like seeing rainbows.

But I wonder if I've ever told you why.

You, my precious Bubbles, are my Rainbows.

Rainbows represent the calm after the storm, the hope that follows destruction, and you are my reward for weathering the storm.

A Rainbow Baby is one born after a miscarriage. Your father and I weathered the storm and hopefully, if you are reading this, you were our reward.

I hope that you have grown up knowing that you are my Rainbow because that will mean that you have grown up knowing about the ones who could have come before you. Who, had they been born, probably would have meant we never would have had you. They would have been seven month old infants at the time you were conceived and I'm sure with our hands full of baby twins we wouldn't have ever considered going for another round of IVF.

We needed the storm for you to be here.

And now I spot rainbows to give me hope for the future.

Just a few days before writing this letter to you, just under a week before beginning my first lot of medication for the process which will hopefully allow us to bring you home with us, your father and I were riding in the car, discussing names which might one day be yours, when I spotted a beautiful bold, bright rainbow, arcing across the sky.

And at that moment the car CD player began to play 'Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now'.

Nothing's going to stop us, Bubbles.

All my love,

Your Mum.