#atozchallenge Letters to my Embryos: Y is for You

Welcome to Day 25 of the A to Z Challenge, an April blogging challenge where you aim post every day during the month following the letters of the alphabet (with every Sunday bar the last one off).

In the past I've used the challenge to blog about my infertility and the IVF process. I'm following a similar theme this year as we wait to begin the process for a Frozen Embryo Transfer, having completed a Freeze All IVF cycle in February.

We currently have nine embryos sitting on ice, my little bubbles, and this April I am blogging to them about the process of how they came to be.

Dear Bubbles,

You probably feel that we have a lot of expectations for you, your father and I. Hopefully these letters help to understand just why that might be. When you have loved someone for as long as we have, even before we got to know you, before you even existed, there are going to be certain things you want for them.

I know that I've always dreamed of a little person (and later a slightly bigger person) I can share my love of books with. I've picked out books I want to share with you, planned the books you will receive as gifts on certain occasions, imagined learning about new authors and series as you discover them for yourself.

I've hoped that you would share my love of crafts. That you might one day sit on my lap as I guide your hands on the needles when you learn to knit, that one day you'll come to me with something incredibly technically complicated that I couldn't hope to achieve and discover that the teacher has become the pupil, that you will always appreciate the value of a homemade gift.

I know that your father has dreams for you too. He hopes you will be musical, that he can share his love of music with you, that one day you might inherit the cornet that he inherited from your great-great-uncle. I think he'd also like it if you enjoyed his old movies just a little more than I do, so he has someone else to share them with.

But I realise that these are our hopes for the person you will become. Just because we want to to play an instrument or knit or want to surround yourself with books, doesn't mean that you will.

You will come to us, a little person who already has likes and dislikes that we will have to learn. We might learn that you're a born sportsperson, that you want nothing more than to live in another country, or that you identify with a different gender to the one you were assigned at birth.

As much as I might hope for all of those other things, the main thing I hope for is you. None of that other stuff really matters too much, as long as you are doing the things and being the person that makes you happy.

It might take me a while to accept the not loving books thing though.

All my love,

Your Mum.